Page 56 of Silver & Gold

Seth laughed. “Once will have to be enough!” he shouted back.

“Once is never enough!”

Seth still felt himself smiling, but something else edged in with it. Once never was enough for Raider, and Seth loved that about him. And yet, they hadn’t fucked for three days, had barely even kissed. There was distance between them.

Seth had to fix this.

He turned the palanquin to make sure that everyone had gotten out of the gully, then he drove to higher ground, seeking a secure spot to wait out the rain. Usually, the caravan clustered when stopping, but they were spread out now, each finding their own bit of firm ground.

Seth parked the palanquin on a shelf of rock, letting it settle to the ground. He pulled down the front cover, securing it at the nose to shut out the rain. Then he realized that was maybe a bad idea. Flicking on the console light, he looked over at Raider.

Raider’s grin was gone. His eyes were wide. Seth leaned forward to open the cover. Raider’s hand closed on his arm.

“Leave it,” Raider said. The rain had lulled enough that they didn’t have to shout.

“We’re already wet.”

“Leave it, Seth. I’m okay.”

Seth settled back, watching Raider from the corner of his eye, but the initial panic had faded from his eyes.

Raider started taking off his sodden kaftan. “When did you notice?”

“Your claustrophobia? In the sand serpent tunnels. Actually, as we left the tunnels. You were so damn relieved to get out of that tight space. I put that together with other things.”

“You never said anything. You just started leaving the tent flap up.”

Of course he had. He hated seeing Raider afraid. “Are you sure you’re okay shut in here?”

“I’m with you. I’m okay.”

Gods. How did Raider do that, make Seth so goddamn in love with him every fucking minute?

Seth unclipped his utility belt and laid it on the dash. He pulled the wet map from the back of his pants. He unfolded it and laid it behind the bench atop some gear to dry.

When there was nothing left to fiddle with, Seth settled on the bench. The rain pattered on the canvas and the console light glowed dully, making their closed-in space feel doubly isolated from the rest of the world. It was just Seth and Raider and the tension between them.

Seth said, “I did something.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Raider’s head turn. “What do you mean?”

Seth made himself look Raider in the eye as he confessed, “I should have told you after it happened, but I knew you’d be angry and … it’s a difficult subject. I told myself it was better to leave it alone. But it wasn’t better. I’ve made things hard between us, and you don’t even know why. That was really shitty of me.”

Raider’s throat moved as he swallowed. “I know something’s wrong. I know you’re unhappy with me.”

“What? No! Is that what you thought? Fuck, no, Raider. Didn’t you hear what I just said? I did something.”

Raider narrowed his eyes. “With Julian?”

“Yes. No! Not like that! Gods, Raider, how can you think that?”

“Just tell me, Seth!”

Raider looked panicked in a way he hadn’t even when Seth had closed them in. Panicked and angry. Guilt ate at Seth to think how those feelings must have been building in him for three days while they grew distant with each other.

Seth confessed, “I went to Julian to ask him something. About you. I didn’t mean to ask him about the book, but it came up. And … I didn’t stop him from telling me things.”

Raider stared at him. Glared. “That’s why we haven’t fucked for three days?”

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