Page 119 of Promised to the Alpha Prince

“Then we should have equal say. It shouldn’t be about me submitting to whatever you fucking want,” I said.

“Do you want to make the schedule?” Dmitri spread his hands. “Because, let me tell you, it’s not easy to keep everything balanced and make sure it’s fair. But if you want to try, go right ahead.”

“When I was working for Sector Unius,” said Nikolai, “we had meetings like this, with schedules like this. People told me, ‘Go seduce this alpha, get him to talk, find out when he’s selling his stocks, let him do whatever he wants to you. Let him kick you if that gets him going. Let him come all over your face. Let him hold you down and shove his dick in your unstretched asshole. Let him—’”

“Oh, Nikolai,” I interrupted, turning to him. “I’m so sorry.”

He glanced at me, sucking in a sharp breath. He’d been expressionless but a ripple of intense pain went over his features and then it was gone. He ducked down his head. “I’m not a thing either, Dmitri,” he muttered. “I don’t belong to you.” He stood up.

“Nik, that’s not… it’s not supposed to be like that,” said Dmitri. He got to his feet, too. “I didn’t even think about that when I was—”

“No, you didn’t,” said Nikolai with a shrug. “But then you don’t, Dmitri. I realize you don’t. You never do. I spent all this time thinking you rescued me, that you set me free. And all along, I was never free. I just became a slave to a different master.” He let out a bemused laugh. “Fuck this.” He walked out of the room.

Dmitri went after him. “You aren’t a slave, for fuck’s sake.”

Nikolai shut the door firmly in Dmitri’s face.

Dmitri opened the door.

“You follow me, and I will maim you,” came Nikolai’s voice.

Dmitri stopped moving. He stood in the doorway, shaking his head. Then, sighing, he shut it. His shoulders slumped.

Johannes got up. “I need to…” Then he sat back down. “No, better let him calm down. He won’t like it if I get in his face right now.” He shook his head. “Why are you such a jackass, Dmitri?”

Dmitri’s emotions came through our bond and they hit me, a tangled mess of guilt and shame and sheer pain. “I don’t know. I don’t mean to be.” His voice wasn’t strong. I thought he sounded close to tears.

“Dmitri,” I whispered.

He yanked the door open. “I need to be alone for a bit,” he muttered, and then he walked out, too.

22

nikolai

BEFORE I WAS with Dmitri, I used to do things to myself.

I never left visible marks, not ones in places anyone would see, because that would destroy me as a piece of merchandise to be enjoyed, and I knew better than to do that. If I did that to myself, if I permanently scarred myself, I’d be useless, and the people I worked for had no problem disposing of worthless, useless pieces of merchandise.

That didn’t always mean being killed either. They had worse places to throw used-up investments. There were whispers of real Hostel-type places, where rich men paid money to be allowed to carve people up. I didn’t know if that was real. I never wanted to find out.

So, I wouldn’t call myself a cutter or something.

But… there would come a time, when the pressure would get really bad, and there was only one way to release it and that was self-harm.

I wanted to do it right then, and I hadn’t wanted to do it in a long time.

But I could feel it welling up inside me, the need to punish myself for my own fucking stupidity. How had I trusted anyone at all? How had I thought these spoiled, stupid, pretty princes ever cared about me? How had I given myself to them, more than just my body, but my heart and my soul? I’d loved them.

What kind of idiot was I?

I paced in my room, forcing myself to think about packing instead. Maybe I shouldn’t pack anything. All of this—the clothes, the electronics, the shoes, all of it—was given to me by Dmitri.

But fuck that, I was taking it.

Call it payment for being the princes’ whore.

I slammed crumpled shirts into a suitcase, thinking about places I could burn myself where no one would see, thinking about burning the roof of my mouth with a lighter or maybe my tongue.

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