Page 84 of Bride of Choice

“Might as well just come out and tell me you don’t wanna be mates,” I mumbled under my breath so softly a human would have had to strain to hear it.

That lump in my chest was pinching, squished right after that dash of hope filling it was stepped on.

How did he expect us to be mates yet avoid me except in small doses so it didn’t set off his He-man instincts? It would never work. That’s not a relationship! That’s- That’s worse than what we’d been before!

If I’d have been paying attention better, I’d have heard the soft growl in his chest as it slowly started to build.

“Mine,” was all the warning I was given before he crushed me to him, the short clawed tips of his nails extending, slicing through my jacket to dig into my back.

At the sharp, pained noise I made, he tore his hands free of me and jumped back.

“That didn’t feel nice,” I admitted with a grimace. “Not gonna lie, but it’s okay.”

The look on Gopher’s face, gaping at the red tips of his claws, he looked trapped in a horror movie horrified.

“It was an accident,” I pointed out. “It’s really not that bad.” Oh, it wasn’t good either but I wasn’t at risking of bleeding out.

So… I might get a few boo-boos if we aren’t extra careful. I was all in with Goph. We could figure this out, even if it meant stumbling along the way. I was dating beast men, for crap’s sake!

When I went to take a step towards him, he snapped at me to back off.

“I think we should try the whole tying you up thing,” I suggested. “You know, until you’re used to us, uh, in that kinda way, and maybe it will get easier with time.”

Jaw about swinging, incredulous, his pretty blue eyes shimmering with moisture, he burst out, “Hurts you, Jo!” Grabbing my arm, he shook it like Look! See what I did to you?! “Hurts! Gofur not safe!”

My heart stilled for several beats. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My eyes narrowed and my lips pursed. Everything in me stiffened. “What are you saying, fluffball?”

Starting and stopping several times, looking more miserable than I felt, he finally managed to garble out, “Jo know…”

“I don’t,” I snapped. But I did, and it was fucking killing me to hear it. “You’re just going to have to fucking say it. Paint me a god damn picture, Gofur, because I refuse to believe you’re giving up on us.” Blinking away those pesky, lingering onion eyes from when I’d been helping Rosa chop up veggies for dinner, nothing more, I ignored the way my throat felt tight, my voice coming out an awful croak, and forced myself to finish. “I want to hear you say it. See those pretty lips form those damning words.” My hand shot up, finger pointing. “I warn you, once you’ve said them, you can’t take them back. I mean it!”

His body shook like he was visibly holding himself back, keeping himself from rushing me and crushing the fuck out of me as tears slid down my cheeks.

I didn’t recall giving my body leave to make a total shit show of this. I’m stronger than that, I kept telling myself. This isn’t my first break up. At the rate I’m going, it’s far from the last.

“Well?” I barked impatiently.

“This no work,” he whispered hoarsely.

“Coward,” I muttered. Jerking my sleeve up, I started yanking at the bracelet he’d tied around my wrist. A growl welled in my throat as I jerked and yanked at it to no avail. It was on there fucking good. I’d never figured out how to get it off— I washed with the damn thing on.

“Jo…”

Letting the bracelet go with a growl, I turned on him, snapping angrily, “No. Fuck you. You don’t get to call me that. Only the people that care about me get to call me that. I’m nothing to you. I’m Joanie or female, nothing more! You chose this.” Giving him a look that told him exactly what I thought of him throwing in the towel so god damned easily, I spun on my heel and stormed off.

By the time I’d made it to Bia’s place, I wanted to throw something. I was so mad and hurt I couldn’t see straight. I was so fucking pissed I could spit.

“I didn’t bring any other fucking clothes,” I realized, because I hadn’t been planning to stay overnight in the village.

Bia’s place was a smidge bigger than the single ladies’ huts, and better situated.

The fire was already going, a fat pile of those fancy, glowing rocks in the hearth. A small piece of wood burned beneath them, peeking. It was more sensible if it was lit when no one was going to be watching over it.

Kicking out of my boots, staring down at my sock covered feet, I had to wonder just how my life had gotten to this point. Just how much of this was because of my own dumb assery, and how much fate/life being a dick?

Why do I always attract the beings with huge hangups? Is it like seeing like? Am I just as bad?

Testing out the bed, finding it soft but not so much so that I’d be waking up with a back ache, I gingerly sat down. I tended to sleep on my stomach or side and too soft beds were so not my friend. Dumping my basket at my feet, I stared into the fire.

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