Page 74 of Bride of Choice

He didn’t sound all I’ll eat you up right now. That was promising. He wasn’t so far down the lusty driven Lo denaii hybrid rabbit hole he’d lost himself entirely.

Was he a seasonal horndog and I was convenient, or was this kinda like Gopher’s issue but, like, with a twist?

Didn’t matter. I was done with big dicked idiots that wouldn’t know how to please a woman in all the ways she should be pleased, even if I handed them a manual!

“Alright, fine, then I’ll kick your ass,” I grumbled, folding my arms over his thick hands as he held me out and away from him like a baby with a stinky diaper.

My legs dangled uselessly in front of me as we walked.

“This hurts my ribs,” I lied. I couldn’t get a good kick in if he didn’t bring me closer. It was my best bet getting him to let me go. Biting him was certainly out of the fucking question. Lesson learned on that front.

Leaning in, he gave a short sniff and proclaimed, “No hurt.”

“You don’t know that! You don’t live my life!” I shot back. Shaking my head, a short, self-deprecating laugh left me. That was as crazy as it sounded.

My hand fell to my neck without thought, rubbing over the spot he’d licked the last time we’d found ourselves alone and unsupervised, headed for compromising positions. Ugh. Why did that make me so fucking hot? No. Bad Joanie.

A funny noise left Bum that had me jerking my hand away and yanking the collar of my jacket up so as not to draw attention to the spot.

“Care to explain yourself or, I dunno, flip my ass around so I can look you in the face while I tear you a new one?” I was feeling as snippy as I sounded. How dare he intrude on my good day with his bullshit!

“No,” he grunted out, short, to the point.

“Dick,” I muttered, lifting my hand to rest my elbow on his fat fingers, my cheek in my hand.

Swinging my legs back and forth, a small measure of satisfaction filled me each and every time his stride grew just a little too long and he gave a loud grunt as my boot connected with something, or he made a holy crap that was close sound.

“So… do you know Fuck N Run?” My query was met with a small, choking sound.

“What… thing you say?” he finally managed to choke out.

“Fuck N Run. Previously my Cuddle Monster, amongst other generously granted names I’ve rescinded. You know… the big bad beastie boy with the split personalities who pretended to mate me but then thought better of it. You found me in his hidey hole under a big assed tree out in the middle of fucking nowhere.” Holding my hands out, I mimed a biggun with horns. “Yea tall, horns, cuddles like a motherfucker, shy in a very cute way, multiple personalities, treats me like a queen when I’m not worried he’s going to brain me for getting adventurous with him with my mouth and worrying him into action thinking I might bite his weiner o-”

“NO!” Bum-bum barked at me, practically tossing me away from him as he dumped me and stumbled back.

Flying through the air, feeling like a fucking cat with its legs thrown out, praying to land on its feet, I tucked and rolled at the last moment, saved by a forgiving pile of that fluffy white stuff and a much softer landing than last time.

“What the fuck?! You know, I’m barely over the bullshit from the last time you tossed me away from you, you oversized… lady tosser!” Fabs, Joans. Fabs. Come up with that all on your own, honey?

Gaining my feet, dusting myself off, pushing aside the state of my pretty basket looking all lopsided where it had tumbled with its burden still neatly tucked up inside of it a few feet away, and advanced on him. “Why did you take off with me like that? You got some kinda weird kidnapping kink I’m not aware of, Hec, huh?” I accused, gesturing between the other side of the village and where he’d carried me off to. Damn, he could move fucking fast.

“No takes. No nappeds. Beed safe,” he grunted out, looking like he was struggling not to horn out as emotions threatened.

That was the trigger then? If he grew emotional?

“How did you know where he lived, the male that took me? You are obviously something like him. Some sort of wild beast mashup.” My hand lifted and I gave a little wave. “Are you the same? Do you two know each other well? Grew up together? Besties? Brothers? C’mon, fluffy, what’s the deal?” I pressed, taking a step closer, and closer to him, until he was sputtering and stammering, stumbling backwards as I slowly closed the distance between us. “What’s the sitch, belly scritch? I gotta know.”

“No know.” The male had stumbled to his ass, wincing as he slammed down to the hard, packed dirt hidden beneath muddied snow piles. He was practically crab-crawling away from me.

“Don’t play stupid games with me.” Pointing at him accusingly, I shook my finger at him. It dawned on me as I studied the worried expression on his face and he vehemently tried to deny any kind of association with my, well, not-my-mate, pseudo ex, that he’d licked exactly over the marks Fuck N Run had left behind. “Oh my god, you were watching us!” I burst out. My finger waved wildly as my mouth dropped open. “You dirty little perv! You were so watching us!” But how?

“No watch,” Bum-bum grunted out.

“Then how did you know where FNR left a mark on me, a mark that disappeared?!” Reshouldering my purse, glancing at my basket briefly, my hands slapped to my hips and my foot started tapping. “Well, snoopy-poopy, I’m waiting?”

Sitting up, rubbing at his arm like his elbow hurt from his fall, he glanced down at his enormous feet and gave a few grunts. “Sensitive,” he said finally.

“Your elbow?” I blurted, resisting the urge to go to his big baby ass and coddle him.

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