Page 59 of Bride of Choice

“Do you not have anything better to do than take up space in my kitchen?!” she castigated Dougie. “Is there not something to hunt, skin, gut? I dunno, a chore to be done? I could give you some, you need ‘em. I’m sure your daddies could put you to work if you’ve got nothing better to do than sneak batter and say silly things. I mean this with all the love for you in my heart— boy, you best be gettin’ on outta my hair!”

Mosoau nodded and gave a grunt. “Now. Now good,” he agreed. Coming to me, he kneeled and held his arms out for me to roll myself into them.

Not particularly keen on the idea, I stalled.

“If you have a stick or something I could use as a crutch, I’m sure I could manage my way there at a hobble, assuming it’s not far?” I suggested.

“Mosoau bring Joad-knee outside. Joad-knee see, yes?” Glancing over his shoulder as the sound of Doogie’s laughter and Dorothy’s threats to smack him with a wooden spoon if he didn’t quit pestering her growing, pretty sure I didn’t want to tangle with Dorothy and ruin that whole daughter she never had thing we had going when she got going like that, I scooted my butt to the edge of the bed and slid into Mosoau’s arms.

“Alrighty then, Moose-cow. Take Bad Jo to this seeing.” Adjusting the shawl over my shoulders, my pelt draped over it, I peered up at the male as he stood but had yet to get this wagon train-a-movin’.

The ‘Are you for real?’ look he was giving me had me grinning sheepishly. “I’ve said it once, I’ll say it ‘til I lose my voice, the second you all stop butchering my name, I’ll stop with the super fun nickety names, ‘kay?”

“See what my Rothy mean, say you girl youngling she never haved. Mouthy, like my Rothy,” he muttered, yet smiled and chuckled softly as he said it.

“I heard that, you moose!” Dorothy called out from the kitchen. Masculine laughter and smacking sounds drifted in from there.

“I think I’m going to love being an unofficial member of your crazy group,” I told him.

Mosoau gave me a big smile full of teeth, something in his eye, a funny twinkle to it, squishing my fun times fit of the sillies, giving me pause.

To cut that shit off at the pass, I warned him, “Look, you’ve got a funny look in your eyes. No funny business. None of that let’s hook her up with such and such because she looks so sad and lonely kinda stuff. I’m not. So don’t.”

“Moose-cow not,” he promised. So then why did he look like he was trying not to laugh his ass off or grin like a crazy person?

The more I tried to think about it, the queasier my stomach grew. Nope. I didn’t want to know.

If they mock adopted me, that might give them the impression they can help a gal out. Fuck to the no.

“Pinky swear?” I grumbled, holding out my left pinky.

Mosoau had carried me to the front door and called out to someone outside, who opened the door for him. He glanced from my pinky to the worried look on my face, but I quickly grew distracted by the short sled and weird looking beast waiting impatiently to pull it awaiting me outside.

“Whoa. A potato-corn?! What in the wonkydoodle nutsackery is this?” I burst out, eyeing my very own personal transport, complete with Kookypants and a robust looking polka dotted potato-corn all hitched up to it.

“What that?” one of the males waiting around, talking to Kookypants, asked me, jerking his chin towards my upturned pinky.

“I wanted Mosoau to promise he wasn’t going to trick me into anything, like trying to set me up with manchild Dougie or some crazy nonsense.”

All males present, but for Kookypants, cracked up laughing.

“It’s really not that funny. Have you met your son?” I grumbled, to Mosoau’s renewed laughter.

“Do-glass silly. Never growed up. Needs learn be warrior, good male, like Rothy say, but much nicer than Mosoau,” Heckes admitted with a grimace.

“Need bossy mate, make him listen, both ears. Drag by hand, like Rothy and Griever,” Lukar agreed, leaning in to place a container next to me and toss me a nod.

“Bah! Gets from Luka! Need finish him’s hut, join more hunts, not live with Griever til’ Doro comes takes him by ear,” Griever chimed in, adding a small tin cup that was nearly identical to Mystery Mate’s to my pile.

“Needs to stay ten feet away from me at all times if he knows what’s good for him, clear of shin kicking territory from the Joanie. He’s a turd in broccoli burger with cheese and I’m big ol’ bottle of extra spicy sauce. We just don’t mix,” I added, just in case they were starting to get any weird ideas. “I’m a headache and a half with an overflowing plate. Joanie don’t got time for manchildren.”

“Not Joanie,” Mosoau assured me as he helped me settle in. Grinning, he ruffled my hair, then hooked his pinky finger on mine and shook it. “Joanie haves mate. No needs hookeds ups. What Dougie want him’s auntie?”

“His what now?” I screeched as Kookypants let out a soft growl, then made a loud clicking noise with his tongue and teeth that had potato-corn kicking into gear, sending us lurching forward.

Kooky was so not the jokey joke like that type and in this instance I totally felt him on that.

Dorothy’s mates chortled like fools amongst themselves as they waved me off and we shot off towards this place I could stay by myself that was totally cool with whomever the heck they were, at least until this whole Krampus-snatch thing all blew over.

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