Page 300 of Bride of Choice

“Celuk say Jo no’ like all come like this. Feel ganged up. Get mad. Jo mad at world,” Tor grunted out. “Push all ‘way. ‘Fraid.”

“I’m not afraid!” I snarled at them. “You’re afraid! I’m just not stupid enough to not know better now!”

“Jo ‘fraid. Tor ‘fraid,” he said with a shrug. “Jo ‘fraid Tor keep be bad male to Jo. Tor ‘fraid Jo b’lieve this, not want be Tor mate no more.”

“I was never your mate!” My outburst made him flinch. Marching past them, feeling betrayed on so many levels it wasn’t even funny, I shoved Gopher’s shoulder as I pushed past him. “You’re all assholes. I don’t care anymore.”

On my way home, I saw it yet again. I’d moved past thinking straight. Now when I saw that stupid beast taunting me as he stood across the way, I made snowballs and chucked them at him. “Stupid Krampus. Come on then, you coward, you think you’re so smart, messing with my head…” It was always the same, a distant shadow, the outline of my nightmares.

Hurrying back to my hut, I locked myself up inside of it, just like I kept the rest of myself, locked up and hidden away.

Weeks passed. That intervention led by my exes felt like a distant memory.

I was back to sleeping under the bed once more. Things had all devolved rather quickly as my Krampus shadow sightings increased.

I woke up this morning, got a good look at myself in my makeup mirror, and found for once I was all out of tears. They were all dried up. Just gone, completely. I’d cried myself all out.

The more I stared into that mirror, the worse I felt. I was a shell of my former self. I couldn’t keep going on like this and I knew it. I was gone to that dark place, intrusive thoughts abound, mind filling with more horribleness.

This was madness. Sadly, it’s taken me this long, months, to wake the frick up, grow the hell up, and suck it the fuck up and handle my shit.

Glamazon, I was so not being. I’d let it happen. I’d just- I’d thought pushing everyone away was the answer, even Rosa and Mal, hard as I tried and they pushed back.

This ended now. I was barely functioning, existing, if one could call this existing at all. I was the farthest from happy I’d ever been. Was this really the fucking answer? Of course not! And what was the point of any of this if I made it so nothing was worth it?

It was all a lie and I wasn’t even buying it anymore.

Today. It all ended today.

It started now.

Resolving to make up with Rosa after I’d had a long soak and a think, kinda my step one, I walked to one of the warm springs pools, nodding a polite greeting to anyone and everyone I passed.

I probably looked as shitty as I felt. Serves me right for being a dumb ass.

Walking to the water’s edge, I set my bags down, stripped down to my itty bitty teeny pink bikini with white polka dots all over it, and just jumped right in.

Dropping down until my toes touched the bottom, I stayed there for a moment, until my lungs screamed at me to resurface, before pushing off. When my head popped free, it was to come face to face with four identical sets of wild blue eyes and similar facial features as Gopher, all set in furry, feminine faces.

The first one spoke and my jaw about hit the floor. “French?” I blurted. “You’re speaking freaking French?” That certainly sounded like it.

“Oui,” the first one said.

“She doesn’t know Mama’s tongue. Bibo said as much,” the second hissed, taller of the four, rumbling at them in French next in a chastising tone.

“She know the Spannedish,” the third primly cut in. “Bibo told me.”

“No, he not. He tell Mamma,” the fourth grumblingly chimed in in her gruffer, deeper voice. “You just like to feel ‘portant.”

“Do not.

“Do, too.”

“Know it all.”

“Big mouth.”

“Fat butt.”

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