Page 258 of Bride of Choice

Glancing from Rosa to Noyel, ignoring the rumbling of Rek from the hut he was leaning against a fair distance across the way, Gopher held the fat hilted weapon out to me.

My gaze darted from him to the short but clunky axe in his hands. “Uhm… whert?” I mumbled, ignoring the snicker Noyel let loose as he watched the evening’s entertainment unfold and Rosa smothered a shocked chuckle.

“Bum-bum says, for you.” He held it out a little higher.

My lips puckered, no matter how hard I tried not to frown like a mother fricker. “He wants me to have… an axe?” I was having trouble wrapping my head around that.

Gopher nodded, glancing from me to the axe uncertainly.

“Joanie doesn’t know how to use an axe as a weapon,” Rosa gently pointed out.

Noyel was too far gone in his snort-laughing at how ridiculous this whole thing was to be of any use. Rosa swatted at him gently, but she too was fighting a fit of the sillies.

It was beyond silly, so no judgment from me there.

“Why?” I knew why. While this axe was less ginormous than the one Bum-bum had pulled off his wall, this mini monstrosity was still too big for me to wield properly.

“Bum-bum want Jo have,” he said simply. Holding out it out to me with his palms open, it was getting to that take it or let it fall point of pushing it on me.

Not liking feeling pushed into anything, my arms folded over my chest stubbornly and I took a step back. Turning towards Rosa, I smiled and spoke as if Gopher wasn’t being Bum-bum’s errand boy. “You two should get going. My chaperone is here,” I joked, waving a hand off in the direction of poorly muffled grumblings just up ahead.

“You’re sure?” Rosa hesitated.

“I’m fine.” I waved them off. “Go stop off in a bush and make more babies or whatever you two do for date night funsies in Fur Village,” I teased.

Rosa blushed redder than a beet. Noyel just laughed, though he tried not to in favor of saving himself from a gut swat and a dirty look from his wife.

“Bye-ee! Love ya! Get outta my hair!” I called after them as they left. “Don’t forget what I said about those bebehs!” I caterwauled after Rosa and her male, just because I could. “Auntie Joanie needs all the babies to love on, m’kay!”

The second they were out of earshot, I turned on Gopher. “How dare you disappear and then reappear, not one fucking word from you, then show up at my friend’s house with a fucking axe from Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde! Tell Bum-bum I said to suck my butt, how about that? Huh? And you can go and suck my butt, too!”

Instead of getting annoyed or upset, Gopher’s expression turned calculating. I’d say he looked pleased, if I wasn’t mistaken.

Yep. A grin stole over his face as he met my confused and startled gaze.

“Get your head checked! Smiling at me like that… Bringing me a fucking axe like it’s a bouquet and I should be all stupid over it… Boy, you’re broken,” I mutteringly shouted after him as I whirled around and stomped off.

“Jo wants babies?” Gopher called after me. “Go’ wants babies!”

Rek’s gaze darted from Gopher and his axe to me as he rushed up on me. “What him say, brings sharp things my Joanie, then say wants babies,” he grumbled.

“I think he’s a little, you know.” Making a twirling motion near the side of my head, I made a cuckoo noise.

“Wants make babies my Jojoknee… Stupid Goober…” Rek grumbled. Wrapping an arm around me, curling me close enough I was tripping over my own feet and his at the same time, he gave up on trying to lead me away and scooped me up into his arms. “Rek makes the babies with Joanie-mine,” he grumbled. “Jojomine Rek’s.”

“Are you going to carry them and birth them, too?” I chimed in sweetly, if only to get his focus off of Gopher, who was still standing there, axe held out, staring after us I noted as I glanced over my shoulder.

“No,” he grudgingly grumbled. He looked like if he could he might consider birthing these hypothetical children himself if it meant thwarting Gopher.

“Gopher can share!” he tauntingly called after us. “Rek say same? Rek loves Jo ‘nough, him share, it make Jo happy?! Rek want Jo be happy?!”

Rek snarled, as if to let that be answer enough.

“He’s just trying to get a rise out of you,” I pointed out quietly.

“Wants Jojomine. Big mouth… stupid head… Pftt,” he grumbled.

Staring off up ahead, I fiddled with the strap of my purse, that urge to offer him the item held within dimming, the longer he went on.

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