Page 251 of Bride of Choice

Clearing my throat, resisting the urge to roll my eyes, or punch him in his stupid face, because, yeah, I was still salty over that whole lying his ass off, double lives, multiple hims, playing both sides, loves me, loves me not, shit he’d done to me, I don’t care what.

“No find,” he repeated with a grunt, his gaze glued and staying on a spot behind me.

Whatever. If he had a problem with me touching his shit, he could just get the fuck over it. I don’t have cooties. Furry, anal freak.

“I didn’t do anything,” I huffed and puffed haughtily. My grip on the monster peen statue behind me shifted. My palms were so sweaty my hold was slipping.

Why was I sweating it? I didn’t do anything wrong!

Dragging his gaze from that spot he found so interesting behind me, his head cocked and I’d swear his lips quirked.

“What?” My eyebrows shot up. I gave him a challenging look. Try me, mudda fricker. Let’s see what we’re both made of, huh?!

“What Jo find?” he grunted out between what sounded like weird coughing noises.

One peek over my shoulder told me I was holding that peachy peen a wee bit too high. It poked over my shoulder like a happy little friend.

Glaring at him, daring him to say a fucking word, I whipped that damned thing around from behind my back and tossed it onto his bedding carelessly. “Nothing that wasn’t left out in plain sight for my curious ass to see,” I quipped.

“Jo… Jo like?” He sounded so hesitant, unsure.

It was on the tip of my tongue to spout off some silly smart assed quip, that weird flirting he and I had done before, but this wasn’t before. He’d played a stupid game and his prize? It wasn’t fucking me.

“I was going to use it as a weapon if need be.” Wasn’t exactly a lie.

As if to call me out, he picked an axe up off the wall and, holding it in both hands, gave it a slow, meaningful twirl as if to say, and you chose a stone penis while surrounded by an armory?

Debating on how to answer that, I blurted, “It looked the least harmless to me!”

When he blinked at me at that, I felt the need to explain, “Sure, I could maybe get a few whacks in at a bad guy but might cut off my own damn finger in the process!” Waving my noodle arms, I spat, “Do I look like a Lo denaii warrior to you, huh?” My hand flicked at the axe held loosely in oversized mitts. “I don’t know how to use that damned thing!”

Bum-bum looked like he wanted to comment but refrained.

Deciding to change the subject for so many reasons it wasn’t even funny, I took a deep breath and ventured, “So it’s still out there, then. Alright. That’s fine. I’ll just never leave the village again. Ever.”

Bum-bum shook his head. “No. No find. No Krampus.”

“Bullshit!” I burst out. “I know what I saw!”

A series of grunts left him that equated to starts and stops to me.

“What?” I barked.

“Jo… think Jo think she see,” he grunted out. He really didn’t need to finish that. Wasn’t necessary.

“But you don’t think I saw what I know I thought I saw,” I interjected. Lips pursing mulishly, I made to move past him.

When he didn’t budge, I craned my neck to stare up at him, plastering a dirty look on my face. “Frankly, I don’t give a flying fuck what you think. I KNOW what I fucking saw.”

His big body tensed and his grip on his axe tightened. “Why come to Bum, no care what think?” he grumbled.

“Because I’m stupid,” I spit out, using both hands to give him a shove to get the fuck out of my way and leave.

He stood there and looked down at me, askance. The beast wasn’t going to move until I’d satisfied his curiosity.

“You were the first being I thought of when I saw the shadowy Krampus figure. For a moment, I’d forgotten that you’re a no good, dirty rotten liar, that you had no problem leading me on as one half of your person, to shove me away with your alter ego, the next, that you had no problem keeping up this ruse for forever and a day, listening to me whine and pine for your horned other half, pestering you to help me get back to him because I thought if I could just talk to him and he’d listen to me, he’d see, and maybe, just maybe, he’d give me another chance. I’d forgotten that I’m not good to you for much but for satisfying your “urges”. I forgot I’m just some stupid plaything. I forget you continue to torment me still, like a giant penis through my door and embarrassing sexual statues aren’t a painful reminder of all that I’m not to you. For one moment, I was scared, and thinking of the times you’d thought to rescue your secret piece of ass, like all those times before, I’d come running to you.” Giving up on getting past him, I climbed onto his bed and walked to the end to hop over the foot of the bed.

Storming out the door, I made it a few feet past his place before he was calling out for me.

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