Page 233 of Bride of Choice

“Stop by sometime, huh, stranger? Don’t make me send Dais after you.”

“Ooo. I’m scared now,” I called back.

Taking the back way, I spied a figure in the forest and automatically recalled that basket of Bum-bum’s shit still waiting to be dumped on his doorstep.

Zipping right back around, I had Bum-bum the dum-dum’s basket in hand and pulled a drive-by dumping.

Was it a little cowardly of me? I didn’t personally think so. It was very tit for tat considering his whole Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde thing he’d pulled on me.

It would be next to impossible for him not to understand what I’d just done, though. And if he didn’t, I’m sure the big blue peen sticking out of his door with the lipsticked words LIAR could offer him a clue.

Could he read? Shit… I’d never thought of that.

No. it’s fine. The peen will speak for itself. It was kinda hard to miss. Heh-heh. That’s what she said. Bah dum tss.

???

Mal seemed to be in a contemplative mood, smiling to herself as she looked over material.

“This one’s really nice,” I commented. “Neutral. It’ll be easy to wash. We could do bibs from that. Who picked this one out? Boog or Khri?”

“Both,” Mal mumbled absently as she tapped her writing utensil along the piece of paper she was staring down at.

“If we did layers, with this in between for a liner,” I told her, holding up material to show her, “I think they’ll fix the problem Rosa had with hers leaking.”

She barely spared it a glance. “Sounds good.”

“I could strap a bow on my head and run naked through the village during Festival, dance with that monster bird’s carcass like the village witch you’re lagging on being, Yaga. Maybe I’ll catch me a mate or three in the process, bend them to my will, pop out an army of crotch goblins and name them all Phil,” I murmured drolly.

“I call dibs on first god-aunt to Phil the first,” she mumblingly replied. “Rosa can suck my ass on that one. Auntie Mal is gonna rock it.” Lifting her head from the paper she was doodling on, she smirked. “Auntie Joanie is gonna have to step aside. You might have had a headstart on winning the hearts of Rosa’s first few, and Daisy, Red, and Mina’s brood but bitch I aim to usurp your ass.”

I had to laugh at her spirit, but, “Game on, bitch-scuit! Prepare to get shown!” I crowed.

“What do you think of these?” Mal held out the paper to me.

Reading it over, I smiled. “I love it but I’ve gotta ask, if only for your children’s sake and future sanity, have they tested out how to say these names?”

“Already on it,” she replied with a triumphant look in her eyes. “We’ve even got alternate names ready.” Her writing utensil tapped the home-made paper. “See?”

“Oh, that’s cute. I like those.” Handing her the paper back, I intoned imperiously, “You may live.”

“Pfft. Shut up.” Mal grabbed a small swatch of cloth and chucked it at me.

“Hey! Hey! No maiming the favorite auntie to be!” I caterwauled, slapping it away, making her cackle. “I need both of these hands to hold those babies!”

“Oh. Oh! Look!” Mal grabbed my hand and jerked me over.

Everything inside of me stilled to feel that first wild kick. “Feisty. Just like their favorite auntie,” I singsonged as I pulled my hand away.

I was so happy for her it hurt, and a part of me was insanely jealous.

She had two very loving, sweet mates, and two baby girls on the way.

“So are you ready for the Festival?” she chirped.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” I quipped.

Gathering up bits of cloth, I smoothed my hand over a soft purple bit with flowers embroidered on it. My gut tightened as I let myself imagine, if only for a moment, that someday that might be my baby I’m picking out material for.

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