Page 147 of Bride of Choice

“What was this?” Setting the springy toy from my youth down, I grabbed the list back up from where it had fluttered to the ground. One quick glance through that madness and I called uncle. “Nope. Not seein’ it, Rektal.”

With a little huffy growl in his throat, he grabbed the toy up, along with a Christmas themed elf, a she-elf, that sits on a shelf wearing red. “Slinky, red Elfette,” he sounded out slowly. “This not Elfette?” He waggled the doll.

Going down the list, I had to suck my lips into my mouth to keep from laughing outright as I read slinky red outfit.

“Who helped you with this?” I burst out instead of any and all of the other things that first came to mind.

Rek hesitated before grumbling. “Rek not want say…”

Watching him, I cocked my head. “Do I know them? Is it more than one more person?”

Snatching the list from my hands, he growled as he crumpled it into a ball. “What matter? Rek get things on list. Rek do as Joanie say.”

Advancing on me, backing me into a pile until something hard and metal was digging into my butt, he leaned down, until we were just shy of standing nose to nose, then huffed in my face.

I had two options handling this: piss him off, or confuse the fuck out of him.

Pulling the metal object jabbing my backside free, I blinked, then blinked somewhere, examining the bike bell. Holding it up, I gave it a ring, sending it brrring-brrringing loudly between us. “What was this supposed to be?”

“Bling-bling,” he muttered offhandedly, frowning down at it like he still wasn’t sure if he’d made the right choice on the interpretation of that one.

“Is there a reason you’re getting all up in my face?” My eyebrows slowly rose as I made a soft chiding sound.

With a chuff, thick arms boxing me in, he pressed his chest to mine, surprising the spit out of me when he leaned in and softly brushed his cheek with mine. “Missed my Jojomine.”

“Well, maybe I missed you too, you giant pain in the ass,” I mumbled as he started to purr, rubbing his cheek along mine, and I felt myself slowly melting against him.

Holy shit, I’d missed this. If he hadn’t gone and pissed all over everything we’d had, we’d still be where we’d been!

“Joansie missed me,” he rumbled out, curling his arms around me, pulling me close, to sway us from side to side slowly, a hum thrumming in his throat, as he began to nuzzle my throat.

“It won’t work, you know. You can’t just sweet talk your way right back into my good graces like you used to. What you did was beyond anything I- Are you… humming The Thong Song?”

“Humming Jo’s song,” he grunted out, then got right back to it.

“I think SisQo would have something to say about you calling it my song,” I mumbled as he began nibbling a heated path up and down my throat, tugging anything in his way out of it.

Rek paused his exploration of my person, a low growl that meant he wasn’t happy building in his throat. Pulling back, he gripped my shoulders, glaring down at me. “Joanie take male she no know. Then he no want her. Comes back to Rek. Then Joanie take Gopher, then Gopher no want Joanie. Joanie go to Celuk’s, play housey. Joanie say kooky-kooky-kooky, everybody all the times. Rek think Joanie is kooky. Bum-bum play with Joanie. Joanie let Bum-bum play. No care him no want Joanie. Odix kiss Joanie front of hunters. Joanie no smack-smack him, say no-no. Joanie lets. No say no tell no ones, be seemkret boyd friend. No. Lets Odix rub baby juice all over Joanie. No make him leave, though Odix too stupid know put it INSIDE Joanie! Joanie punish Rek for make Joanie claim Rek, but Joanie won’t claim Rek, won’t be good female and do as Rek say so Rek claim Joanie and give Joanie lots of babies!”

Fuming at this point, I grabbed his nose, pinching it between my middle and index finger, leading his mangy ass the fuck outta my face before I rip it off.

“Excuse you?!” I burst out as I shoved him away.

Rek flopped backwards onto the bed, growling at me as he caught himself and lifted up onto his forearms.

“First of all,” my hands shook as I pointed a claw at him, “who was the one who wanted to keep us all hushity-hush first? Who was acting all ashamed of me, hmm?! Who is making crazy demands if I wanted to be with you, huh?! Don’t go pointing fingers in my direction when you’ve got just as much shit smudged all over your face!” Grabbing up my things, I stomped towards the steps leading the feck outta here. “Can’t believe I let you talk me into this, AGAIN. Can’t believe I was dumb enough to think things might be different this time, that your dumb ass might come around and grow the fuck up, AGAIN!”

All the way up the steps, I bitched, ranting like a madwoman.

Forcing the hatch up, using all of my weight to push against it, wondering if something might be blocking it or I was just that fucking puny, I had it open and was climbing out to slam the hatch back down as hard as I could, when I plopped onto the wet ground on my butt and turned to swing my legs out, and my boot connected with something wet and heavy. Rolling to my knees, about to heft myself up, I came face to face with a soggy looking head, its mouth opened in a macabre display, fangs exposed, tongue swollen and funny colored. It was a Krampus, its horns missing.

Screaming, I scrambled back. Crabwalking away from that shit, slipping and sliding in the mud, my dignity had completely left the building.

Once I’d started screaming, it was like I couldn’t stop.

Rek’s hatch flew open and he came barreling out.

His gaze darted to where I was slipping and sliding, screaming my flippin’ head off, to the mangled fur on that bedraggled, tipped head dipping in my direction.

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