Page 133 of Bride of Choice

When I remembered to shut my trap before I caught flies in it, a splutter of a laugh escaped me. “You can’t me- You guys didn’t-” My hand lifted and I waggled a bright yellow claw. “Oh, you two! You buffoons!” A cackle followed. Shaking my head, I snorted, garbling out between loud guffaws, “She’s not a witch. That’s not Baba Yaga, you bumble brained fluff muffins. That’s just a human woman in a Halloween costume!”

“Bauheg not cursed?” Booger mumbled. Thrusting a hand towards his puffy eye, he demanded to know, “What this, Joansie?”

“Poked you, did she?” A grin stole over my face. The woman’s gaze met mine and I smirked, then tossed her a wink. “Good for her,” I told him. “I like her already. Rosie and I could use a thirdy. The more crazy bitches, the merrier.”

Pretending Rek wasn’t here, I focused on the booger at hand. “Got a little something there, honey booger. A lil schmutz on ya. Smear… right about… there.”

“No honey booger Bauheg,” Rek grumbled, slapping my hand down as I gestured at my best bud, teasing him relentlessly. “No honeys. No honey anyone.” Pointing at me wildly, he told Bauheg, “No want her. Joanie crazies in head. Joanie screams, loud, smacks.” Well, if anything this should be entertaining. “Beats Rek with… with… with Bob!” he exclaimed.

OH, he did not! Turning to him, my mouth dropped open in a big ol’ gape. The nerve of him! “You did not just bring my Battery Operated Boyfriend into this! And if your gnarly ass hadn’t acted like they were going to sniff it and taste it, snoopy pants, going through my shit to find it, maybe I wouldn’t have tried to bludgeon you with him!”

“Oh, my god,” their not-a-witch whispered, sounding horrified.

Well, that made two of us.

“Shmudz?” Bauheg blurted, rounding out this trifecta of weirdness we were passing around.

Hard as I tried to convince him he was not in fact cursed, Rek wasn’t buying it.

We went back and forth, a battle of snarky one-liners and hits just at the belt line ensuing.

Rosa must have been close by and found herself drawn to all the ruckus as well.

In for a penny or whatever bullshit, I called out to Rosa as if I totally meant to include her in this shit show.

In no time Rosa was dragged into this mess, my poor Keke girl too for all of two seconds until I got them all squared away.

That left Pumpkin, Booger, and Rek.

Rek and Booger started getting into it, offering their human a chance to get free.

Not about to squash her moment, I hung back, serving as an added distraction when needed, loudly answering Rosa as she pecked me to death on my part in this whole witch business.

Rek must have caught it when I did as I watched Gingy lift yet another limb free through the corner of my eye.

Go, girl, go, give these fuzzballs a run for their money, I silently encouraged.

Rek did a double take, shouted, then dove for her. Pumpkin buns wasn’t having it and Rek took one to the face.

Karma, baby!

And then the poor thing slammed right into one of Dorothy’s sons, Khri, I believed from my brief glimpses of him, who literally happened to be at the wrong place at the right time.

Standing idly by, wishing for popcorn, ignoring Rek as he huffed and howled, caught up in the contraption they’d carried her in on, I watched as Booger caught up to his woman and she let him know what she thought about being manhandled.

Sinking her teeth into him, he let go of her with a howl. One look at that green paint tainting his arm and I took a healthy step back.

Snorting, rolling my eyes as Boog waved the proof of his own cursing around at us wildly, I just rolled my eyes and got right back to the bicker-squabbling this had snowballed into as Rek continuously thought to put in his two cents in an attempt, I felt, to try and throw me under the bus.

More curious beings joined the madness. It quickly turned into a packed crowd. Rosa grinned as Zhuii, spying her in the group gathered, approached.

They were so damn cute together it made me sick. The pair had goo-goo eyes going and everything.

Where were my goo-goo eyes? One glance at Rek scowling as he cradled his face, I wasn’t going to be getting any goo-goo eyeing anytime soon if he was my only hope. My goo-goo eyes were stuck in the back of Rek’s head, where his brain should be.

As if to add credit to my snarky observation, Rek slapped away the candy that Mallory, she called herself, attempted to give Kehko.

“Rektal smooshded the candy, mama. He smooshded the wish’s treats with no tricks or feets.” My Keke-girl wilted and fully shifted.

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