Page 129 of Bride of Choice

I wasn’t about to make a mad fool of myself, jumping around in Dorothy’s guest bathroom for anyone to stumble upon. That was not my idea of being discreet.

Clearing the back door, rounding the corner, the freakout commenced.

My ear! It’s in my motherfluffin’ god damned ear!! My nails were too thick and long to try and stuff into my ear without damaging it. I had the scratches along my outer ear to prove this wasn’t gonna work.

Muffling whimpering noises, I resorted to hopping up and down with my head dipped, hoping that shit would somehow knock loose.

“Jojo… knee?” Odix stopped several feet from where I was quietly making a spectacle of myself.

“It’s stuck!” I burst out, waving my hands wildly at my ear.

“No panned-dick,” he assured me. All that did was make me laugh semi hysterically.

Pod pea in your ear? Don’t worry! No panned-dick!

Gripping the sides of my head, he tilted my ear towards him. “Stuck,” he agreed.

“Get it out!” Another wild wave of my hands. “I have a thing about my ears! I’m totally freaking out!”

“No worrieds,” he grumbled, then proceeded to try and gently pry it free with an extended claw.

Making pathetic noises, holding as still as possible, wincing at the sounds of it moving around in there but no dice, my heart began fluttering worriedly as my stomach dropped.

“Stubborn,” he muttered, right before going for it and putting his mouth over it to suck on the god damn thing.

A giggle left me as his tongue got in on it, wiggling around in there, but that was no use. Going back to his suck it all out technique, I slumped triumphantly as it suddenly just popped free.

My victory was short lived.

Doogie rounded the corner, pausing dead in his tracks as Odix started to choke.

“Oh my god! Oh feck no! No, you don’t!” Running around behind Odix as he fell to all fours, coughing and choking, I struggled to wrap my arms around his thick middle and properly heave this ho, pun unintentional but I’ll roll with it, determined to get that fucking pod pea up.

The entirety of our dinner party came rushing out, Doogie shouting out, leading the way.

“Help me!” I bellowed, looking more like I was struggle-humping the poor guy’s ass than anything else.

Assessing the situation, Kooky walked over and easily plucked me up and set me aside. Grabbing up Odix, who spun around choke-gasping, pointing at his throat, Kooky gripped his middle, lifted, hefting him up with a harsh jerk as he Heimlich-ed his ass, and had the furball hacking up the stuck pod like it was nothing.

The pod projectile shot across the way, smacking Doogie square in the face. The beast yelped as it pinged off his forehead.

Gaping from the muddied spot I’d slipped and landed in, I blinked stupidly up at Kooky and Odix as they took in my mudcaked form.

Dorothy’s mouth rounded but she clapped her hand over her mouth, hopefully holding in the humor lighting her eyes. “You just can’t win for trying,” she mumbled into her fingertips.

Slapping my hands to the ground, shaking my head, I muttered defeatedly, “I give up.”

With a grunt, taking in the scene, Kooky walked over, daring anyone to say anything, and plopped right down next to me, slapping his bare ass right into the slippery mud alongside me.

Laughter stole over me as he settled right in, giving me a look like he was waiting for my next move.

Odix made a disconcerted noise I was happy to provide the answer to. “You don’t have to join us.” Leaning into Kooky’s side, I grinned like a fool. “We’re all mad here. It’s more of a suggestion than a requirement.”

With a shrug, Odix walked over and plopped down on the other side of me, making me laugh as it inadvertently splashed mud at Doogie, a casualty of standing far too close.

The noise Doogie let out had his fathers laughing. “Mama no like mud in the house!” he burst out, sounding like a scandalized old lady.

Waving off Doogie’s fit, Dorothy came over and offered me a hand up. “Just this one time, I think we can make an exception.”

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