Page 98 of Against The Rules

“Peaches, I’m going to come clean. Your dance teacher or whatever—”

“Director.”

“Yeah, her. She must be blind, because you are sexy when you’re asleep, when you smile, when you laugh, when you dance on the field, and especially when you have my dick in your mouth.”

She snorts. “Be serious.”

“I am. You never needed my help being sexy.”

“So you lied to me.” Her eyes narrow, and I don’t know if I’m in trouble yet or not, but I do know that I need to choose my next words very, very carefully.

“Yeah, I did.” I wince. That was the opposite of choosing my words carefully. “Well, not entirely. I was more than willing to help you feel sexy. But no, I never thought you needed any help in that department.”

“Why would you let me think that, then?” She’s thoughtful, and the answer is so obvious that I can’t help staring at her for a minute.

“Because I wanted you to agree to hang out with me. I wanted you no matter how, and if it was by giving you some kind of sexy lessons in return, well, that was a trial I would just have to endure.”

“A trial?” She’s smiling at me, her eyebrows raised in incredulity.

I nod solemnly. “Absolutely. Having to pretend you weren’t sexy and get extremely close to you was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.”

“Is that right?”

“Yes, because all I wanted to do was hold you down and watch you fall apart while I made love to you.”

I don’t mean for it to come out as seriously as it does. The L-word. I avoided saying it all day, avoided texting it, but damn, there it is.

She blinks, and I know she heard it too.

My fork clinks against the plate, and I try to collect my thoughts.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About the fact you made me think I did need sexy lessons?”

“Well, if you want to, but no, I meant the fact that I’m in love with you, and I don’t want to dance around it anymore.”

“I… I don’t know.” She sighs, and her blue eyes go all big and helpless.

“You’d already changed my life,” I forge ahead, trying to continue the conversation. “As soon as you walked into it, I knew. I know that sounds… stupid, probably, but you were it for me as soon as I started talking to you. And then you went and changed me some more, by suggesting I go to therapy. I’ve only been going for a few weeks now, but I feel… I feel better. It’s good, I think, to have someone that will just listen, you know? Plus Dr. Kim has good advice. Don’t get me wrong, I know it’s going to take a long time to undo all the shit I’ve thought for a long time… what does he call it?” I narrow my eyes, trying to remember. “My patterns of thinking. But, I feel good. I feel hopeful. And I’m playing better. Really good. You’ve barely been in my life more than a couple months now and I already feel like a better man.”

“That’s not because of me.” Blonde waves cascade across her forehead as she shakes her head. “That’s because of you.”

I stand up, walk around the table, and sit next to her, pulling her into my lap. “It’s because you made me think about what I want. What I could have if I just focused on what I needed. And what I needed was help, and someone not afraid to call me on my shit.”

She reaches up, pushing some damp hair behind my ear, her expression so sweet and earnest it hurts to look at.

“I love you so much, Savannah, and I know it’s crazy. But I… I’ve always been the kind of guy to go all in. It’s how I make plays. Make a decision, and make it happen. I understand if you need more time. I swear.”

“It’s a lot,” she says quietly. “I am really happy for you, you know, I’m not trying to discount what you’re telling me. About therapy. I think that’s amazing, and I’m really proud of you for following through.”

“Have you ever thought about going? I know you were really upset the other night about your friend, and I’ve noticed you’re… careful about food.”

“Careful about food? Of course I’m careful about food. I get weighed every Thursday so I can dance in front of a stadium full of people on the weekend.”

“I know. Trust me, I understand the pressure.” I want to say something else, like the way she’s careful about food is starting to really concern me, but I don’t want to piss her off.

“I’m sure you do. It’s different for you, though. And therapy is great. I used to go when I was in college. But I don’t have insurance now.”

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