"Oh." Dee was remarkably quiet as they continued walking. "Sorry. I didn't know you felt that way."
Clarissa's stomach twisted uncomfortably. She knew it wasn't meant condescendingly but even though it was all a long time ago, it still felt slightly tender. Maybe because she'd never once admitted any of this out loud. She'd done a good job at convincing everyone that she stayed in Crescent Valley by choice. Such a good job, she even came to believe it herself. And eventually, she made peace with it.
She let out a tight breath, simultaneously letting go of the current tension and past frustration. "Anyway, after I decided to stay, I couldn't paint for a good while. I think it was a year or so before I picked up a paintbrush again. It took time for me to stop being angry at the world and fate for dealing me this hand. Once I let go of that, I started to notice things to be grateful for. And when I was grateful, the world became more beautiful, so beautiful, I wanted to paint it. I had to paint it. That's how you'll break through your block too. You just have to find something that moves you, something that makes you feel. That's all."
"Something that moves me," Dee repeated quietly, clearly lost in thought.
They continued their stroll in silence and Clarissa didn't mind the quiet. She could tell Dee was trying to figure things out and she was happy to give her the space to do so. Instead, she focused on the sound of their shoes on the hard ground, the occasional bark from excited Millie, the noises of the night that could only be heard in the countryside. As much as she used to be sad that she hadn't left Crescent Valley, there was plenty she loved about it too. That was one of the things she had to accept, that it had been her choice to stay to look after her dad. And there was no reason to regret a choice she had made out of love.
Every now and then, she glanced at Dee who was beautiful in her contemplation. Her unruly dark hair stuck up in every direction and it really suited her narrow features and angled jaw. She was tall and slender, only highlighted by the very large coat that was practically swallowing her. There was definitely an unapproachable air about her but it wasn't as impenetrable as when she was a teenager. Back then, there'd been no way to really connect with Dee whereas now it felt like her defences were slightly lowered.
Clarissa was definitely enjoying the rare insights into Dee's mind.
Loud excited barking from Millie pulled her from her thoughts and made her realise she'd not really paid attention to where they were going until now. They were standing on the top of Vomit Hill, overlooking Crescent Lake in all its glory. Unlike the other night, the beach part was lit up with torches and fires in barrels for the ceremony. Groups of shifters, kin, and humans were waiting for their chance to jump into the water and discover if their fated mate was amongst the other brave souls risking it all for a chance of love.
"Ever taken part?" Clarissa found herself asking. It was none of her business.
Dee shrugged. "Once or twice. It's not really my thing. Painting is my great love, even if she's currently being an elusive bitch."
The sudden harsh profanity made Clarissa snort. "Wowww, that's no way to speak about your great love. But the muse is a fickle mistress, that's definitely true."
"What about you?" Dee asked.
"I suppose painting is my great love too," Clarissa said, deliberately avoiding answering the question about the lake. It was cowardly, especially since the other woman had answered but she didn't want to say.
Dee nudged her. "What about finding a fated mate, though? You're a shifter so you definitely have one."
"I might've jumped once or twice too. Not recently, though." Clarissa stared down the hill at the spectacle happening on the beach. Even from the slight distance, she could feel the anticipation and hope in the air. It was definitely a sight that would make a great painting.
The peaceful moment was interrupted by a choking snort, a sound so familiar, it almost gave Clarissa PTSD. She knew exactly what it was, it was the sound of a dog trying to eat something they were definitely not meant to eat.
"Millie! What have you got?" Dee shouted, rushing over to the spaniel further down the hill.
Clarissa hurried after her, worried about what she might've found on Vomit Hill that a careless teenager had left behind.
The spaniel gagged again and something fell from her mouth. Before Dee could snatch it away, Millie picked it back up and ran away.
"Come back! Stop! Hey!" Dee ran after the dog but the spaniel's selective listening skills meant she wasn't giving up whatever tasty thing she found.
Clarissa tried to block the dog's path as she ran down too, not really noticing how much closer she was to Crescent Lake. How much closer both of them were.
"Millie! Leave it!" Dee's commands were futile. She drove Millie to the water's edge and the spaniel locked eyes with her. "Nooo!"
It was already too late. With a big splash, Millie jumped into the water. If it was a different day, this wouldn't have been such a problem but the water would be near freezing.
"Shit." Dee threw her coat off and jumped after her without a moment's hesitation.
Clarissa paced back and forth, trying to assess the situation. The spaniel hadn't gone far and Dee almost got hold of him, but she was hindered by all her clothing. When she grabbed hold of Millie, the added weight made her head dip under the water. It looked like a struggle, one that could go wrong very quickly.
A curse slipped from Clarissa’s lips as she hurried out of her clothes, stripping down entirely. She didn't know if this was a good idea but it was all she had.
She called on her bear form, letting the magic flow through her. It engulfed her with smoke and let her body take on its other form. As a bear, she would have less trouble with the cold water and no risk of Dee pulling her under.
With one powerful jump, she threw herself into the lake, careful not to jump too close to them.
The freezing cold water engulfed her instantly and knocked the air out of her lungs. Even in her bear form, it was a massive shock.
She surfaced and kicked her paws, peddling over to Dee and Millie. She nudged into the woman’s side and she felt Dee’s hands grab fistfuls of fur in an attempt to stay afloat. Clarissa was beyond grateful for her bear form because this would've been much harder in her human body.