When I manage to sit up, my body heats up all over again at the sight before me. Kylo was jacking off while he was eating me, rubbing my juices on himself. I’m not sure how long he was doing it for, but knowing that he was turned on and couldn’t help himself just by eating me out gives me the strongest urge to please him. He’s watching me with half-lidded eyes and it looks like he’s close.
I waste no time hopping off the piano and dropping to my knees, taking him as deep into my mouth as possible. His piercings scratch my throat, but the burn is delicious. I welcome it.
“Oh fuck, what are you doing?” He lets out a string of curses then fucks my mouth roughly.
Tears spring in my eyes, but it’s not long before his thrusts get choppy and he stills, pulsing and spurting warm, salty ropes of cum down my throat.
Using his grip on my hair, he pulls me to my feet and kisses me deeply, mixing the taste of each other with our tongues. When he pulls back he lays his forehead against mine and holds me there for a minute breathing in shared air, neither of us speaking. Eventually, the air hitting my naked legs sends goosebumps through my body, so I find my pants and throw them on.
Glancing at Kylo before he notices me, there’s a war in his eyes. He turns to me and it fades away, but something is still off.
“Hey, so I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” He clears his throat. “There’s this party we’re having this weekend in the estate and I was wondering if you would want to come with me?”
I don’t know what I was expecting him to say, but it wasn’t that. Prying into his eyes gets me nowhere, his guard is up strong. Relenting, I drag out, “Sure, why not?” For a moment, he seems disappointed at my answer and that only confuses me more.
There is something he isn’t telling me, and I intend to find out what it is.
“Great. It’s this Saturday.”
“Okay, well I’m going to go for that shower now.” I hike my thumb over my shoulder at his front door. If he said anything after that, I didn’t hear it, too focused on getting back to my house. I almost forgot to let Ace back inside on my way out.
After today, I’m more confused than ever in regards to Kylo.
Chapter 17
While baking is usually therapeutic for me, today I can’t shake this pressure on my chest. Voices that aren’t mine are playing on repeat like a broken record, but I can’t match them to any faces. Taking my time to try and control my breathing while pushing through with business as usual, I fight to keep the tears that threaten to fall at bay. In my head, I chant my affirmations.
I am okay. We are okay. I will not spiral. We will not spiral. Estoy bien. Estamos bien.
Despite my best efforts to ignore it, it’s not long before the pressure takes over my breath and vision, sending me into a spiral. I want to run away from this feeling, from myself, but there’s nowhere to go.
My body breaks out in a cold sweat and I hate myself for not knowing how to control this. The bowl with ingredients in front of me is all a blur now. Within the next second, it hits the wall with a satisfying crack, shattering and spilling all the contents on the floor. Reaching into the depths of my soul, I drop to my knees and scream.
Fuck this.
The room is quiet, but in my head I’m still screaming for help.
Is it possible to mentally drown?
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid brain.
Why can’t you work? Why don’t my lungs work either, right now?
Lost and broken. That’s what I am.
That’s how Kylo finds me; rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on the floor clutching my head tightly between my legs, borderline hyperventilating. I didn’t hear Ace barking, or the door opening, or whatever he was saying to me.
When he pulls my head out from between my knees his lips are moving, but I’m still underwater. His brows furrow before he lifts me bridal style to the couch where he places my hand on his chest and has me mimic his breathing.
“Focus on me. Good girl, just like that. Again.” The deep rumble of his voice breaks through the haze.
I feel all the mental pain spreading throughout my whole body. Everything hurts, but he’s holding onto me like a lifeline, grounding me.
“You are doing so good,” he praises, eyes never leaving mine. “Keep going. I'm right here, little fox.”
Eventually, I became aware of a cold sensation on my neck. When I feel somewhat normal and back down to Earth, I look over to the shattered bowl and embarrassment rolls through me at my outburst. I bury my face in his chest mumbling, “Oh my god, I am so sorry.” But Kylo pulls me back to look in my eyes.
“Hey, you are okay. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” There isn’t a trace of judgment in his eyes, just genuine concern. Tilting my chin towards his face tenderly, he adds softly, “You are so fucking strong. Tell me you know that.”