Page 67 of Guarded By the Vodnik

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, but I wouldn’t look at her. I knew she’d be hurt if she saw my face right now. “It was dumb of me. Please, forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive,” I said stiffly.

“Okay. Let’s just forget it then.”

I turned back to her, relieved to find her smiling with infinite understanding, as if she knew exactly how much pain that single word produced. I wasn’t cured, then, even though I’d felt like it ever since the island house.

But my current wellbeing, all that warmth I felt, was deceptive. My issues ran deep, on the very cell level, and it had been stupid to expect I’d just be normal now because I fell in… feelings with a human.

Ridiculous, I snarled at myself. You want to fuck her till she pops out a brood of kids, you want to keep her forever and spoil her as long as you both live, but you won’t tell her the L word?

But that was the crux of it. How was I supposed to know if what I felt was love if I’d never experienced it myself? How could I know I was even capable of it?

A hormonal reaction was one thing. Lust, another. Even friendship and devotion—I could wrap my mind around those.

But not love.

“Let’s go home, Zoe,” I said woodenly, feeling defeated and foolish.

Feeling broken.

Chapter 22

Zoe

I wanted to wrap myself around him with all I had and love all the pain and confusion out of him, but Vodyan was detached, focused inward, so I didn’t push him. I didn’t even feel hurt or that my feelings weren’t reciprocated, because I had a strong suspicion I knew what caused his reaction.

There was that boy once, a thirteen-year-old orc, whose parents neglected and abused him, both finally landing in jail when his scars were discovered. He was withdrawn but combative, and one day, he attacked a few older boys, who in turn beat him up. When the teachers separated them, I knelt by his side and stroked his sweaty hair, telling him he was important and loved.

That boy looked at me with such infinite contempt and asked me in a calm, cool voice why I believed in fairy tales. Love didn’t exist, he said. He’d never seen it.

I was unable to answer. I even apologized for saying something that made him feel worse when I only tried to comfort him. He was taken aback. Maybe he believed being apologized to belonged in the realm of fairy tales, too.

Now, I sat comfortably in Vodyan’s tight embrace, and he held me possessively as we swam through the glowing, vibrant city center to his apartment. When he showed off Yeseera, I got the feeling he loved the city, and no wonder. It was beautiful and felt safe in a way I hadn’t experienced on land.

Because the precious, expensive shanta was right there, ready to be stolen, yet nobody even tried. Then again, if the punishment was mutilation, maybe it was understandable. So it wasn’t all pretty colors and glitter, but the city seemed peaceful in a way that spoke to me deeply.

And the lights! The flowers! Also, humans swimming around, some with plastic masks covering their mouths so they could speak, but no air tanks. It blew my mind.

“Why isn’t it common knowledge?” I asked as we passed between two very wide, jet black towers shimmering with turquoise lights. “That vodniks can help humans survive down here?”

Vodyan laughed bitterly. “Well, for one, no vodnik wants to be kidnapped to have our sperm harvested. With women, it’s more difficult. They actually need to be in the right frame of mind for the cocktail to flow. Men, not so much. Someone could just tie us up and jerk us off. The body does the rest.”

My stomach tightened with horror and unease. “God. I didn’t even… It didn’t cross my mind. That sounds horrible.”

He hummed, his palm squeezing my ass. “Because you’re a good person, Zoe. But people like Carver, for example, would absolutely use that as a resource. We decided to keep you in the lake because humans are at such a huge disadvantage down here. If I cut off their air tanks, they are done. But if they could breathe without them, that would change things.”

“So all those humans here, what, they just fell in the lake? Or how did those couples meet?”

He descended, lower and lower, until we touched the lake bottom in front of a black tower shimmering green. There was a door of matte, black bars and a glowing touch panel by its side.

“Vodniks go out to the surface to hang out with humans if they want to,” he said softly. “But… It’s also a sexual orientation some vodniks have. We differentiate between being attracted to vodniks, to humans, or to both. You were kind of my bi awakening.”

He pressed his entire palm to the touch panel, and it lit up green. The door swung open.

“Wait. You said… The lowest levels are for the rich,” I said, realizing what was happening.

“Yeah. I was kind of leading into this,” he said with a cocky smirk that looked so good on his face. “Guarding shanta shipments pays really well. My apartment has a dry space downstairs. You’ll be comfortable.”

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