Page 51 of In Spades

Erica shrugged and picked her cards back up, letting one hand rest absently on her belly. “I don’t have a preference. I can see Aly doing great with a brother or a sister.”

Maddie rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Expectant mothers always say they don’t care if it's a boy or a girl. We all know you would pick if you could.”

Erica giggled. “I really don’t care.” She paused then looked up at Steve. “But I hope it's a boy.”

Steve looked rather pleased with himself.

Maddie snorted. “If anyone can make a boy” — she pointed toward Steve — “it’s that pile of testosterone right there. Way to knock her up, Pelham.”

Steve crossed his arms over his broad chest and smirked. “Fuck yeah, I put a baby in my woman.”

Erica rolled her eyes at his neanderthal antics, but I didn’t miss the way she wiggled into his side.

On their side of the table, Luca leaned over and whispered something in Maddie’s ear that made her laugh. He slid his hand over her flat stomach and let it linger as they whispered.

Holy shit, was she pregnant, too? I considered the possibility but noticed the glass of wine in her hand. Maddie was wild, but never irresponsible. Maybe they had started talking about having kids.

Married or not, how did someone even broach that big of a topic with someone else?

“Y'all need anything?” I asked, suddenly feeling smothered by all the happiness. I placed my cards face down and slid my chair out from the table. “I’m gonna grab something to drink.”

No one spoke up, so I walked over to the bar and dug around the fridge, looking for something to take the edge off. Since I was driving myself home, I settled for a Coke.

I loved seeing my friends so happy. I wanted good things to rain down on them like a freaking hurricane. But when I looked over my shoulder at the group piled around the table, I couldn’t help but feel left behind.

In truth, I was being left behind. And it would be that way until Zoey was old enough to be on her own.

Life moved so quickly for everyone except me.

And babies…I saw the way Steve looked at Erica. It was possessive. Primal. Good men like that didn’t want a partner like me who had no interest in having children.

Before I got custody of the kids, I used to go on dates and mention that I wanted to start a family someday. The guys always ran for the hills. But go on a date and say you don’t want kids, and the reaction was the same. Apparently, not wanting to procreate was some kind of red flag.

My phone buzzed in my back pocket. I pulled it out and smiled at Will’s name on the screen.

Will

Thinking about you, Sunshine. Hope you’re having a good night. I’ll be up late, so in the event you think about calling me, I’ll definitely answer.

He was such a good man. My stomach lurched. I didn’t want to say the words out loud, but a good man at his stage in life would want a family. What interest would he possibly have in a twenty-five-year-old saddled with four kids and calloused emotional scars?

12

KRISTIN

“Hey girlie,” I greeted Kylie when I arrived home.

Setting my purse on the kitchen counter, I glanced at the calendar pinned to the fridge. Tomorrow wouldn’t be too bad. Nothing out of the ordinary, at least.

I had put Kylie in charge of making sure Zoey and Hunter ate a vegetable and finished their homework. I didn’t hound Logan and Kylie as much as I did the younger two. I tried to give them a little more space, but with space came responsibility.

Both Logan and Kylie knew they had homework to get done, had to eat a decent meal, and were expected to pitch in with chores. Generally, they did a pretty good job, but occasionally one—or both—would get an attitude about it. At which time I would pick out one or two parent-isms that I tucked away for such an occasion.

“Life isn’t fair” was my favorite as of late.

Since Logan and Kylie were seventeen and sixteen, I had started letting them have a little more free reign. The upside to our parents being absolute pieces of shit—who I hoped were rotting away in jail—was that the kids generally stayed out of trouble.

Sure, they had the stereotypical teenage attitudes, but I couldn’t really fault them for that. I harbored the same hostility.

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