Page 131 of In Spades

“I hate that stupid company so much,” Kris said, seething. “They’re making my life a nightmare, and the bar wasn’t set that high to begin with. Hell, it was on the damn floor. I swear, if I ever get my hands on the person that bought the damn place, you’ll need to post my bail.”

Well, fuck.

No way in hell I was going to tell her tonight. I knew better than to walk into a lion’s den wearing a steak sweater.

I would tell her in the morning. Or maybe next week.

I need to figure this shit out. Maybe I could get Elena out and then Kristin would never have to know. Besides, I was really nothing more than a name on some legal documents.

I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. “Things will be okay.”

Her cheeks pulled against my chest with the flicker of a smile. “You know, I actually believe it when you say it.”

“Then I’ll say it again.” I leaned down and kissed her lips. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For being so good to me. I hate depending on people, but you—you’ve always been honest and good. I know it won’t always be sunshine and roses, but I trust you to be good to me in the tough times too.” Her face lit up with a bright smile. “I can’t wait to show you off to everyone at the staff party. Maria’s been dying to meet you.”

Kristin was a human lie detector. I was sure of it.

Instead of taking the bait and coming clean like I knew I should, I tipped her chin up and kissed her. “Deep roots don’t worry about snow.”

I silently prayed that that was true. I hoped we were rooted deep enough to withstand the absolute shitstorm brewing on the horizon.

Her hands were on me in a frenzy, pulling and tugging at my shorts. She scraped her nails down my chest, marking my skin. Her inner wildcat came out, claws at the ready—and I loved it.

“Kris, we can’t. The kids…” I grunted, loathing the fact that I couldn’t sink deep into her right now.

“I can be quiet,” she pleaded in a breathless whisper.

“I don’t have a condom.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but came up short. Her rule of two forms of birth control was a line that she set in stone. No mishaps. No slip-ups. No pushing our luck.

A lone tear slipped down her cheek. “I just… God—you’re going to hate me.”

“What?” I cupped her cheeks and kissed the tear away. “Why would you say that? Sweetheart, I didn’t expect to have sex with you tonight.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to scare you off because you think I’m moving too fast or thinking too far ahead, but…”

“But what?”

“Going without a condom—it’s not an option for me.”

“I know, Kris. It’s not a prob?—"

“And it never will be,” she said, pausing to steady her voice. “I don’t want to have kids. Ever. I don’t want to get pregnant. It’s just… If that’s something you want in the future, it’s not going to happen with me.” Another tear slid down her cheek. “And you deserve to be with someone who can give you everything you want.”

It made sense. Kristin had been mom four times over. She had fixed bottles and changed dirty diapers, helped the older ones’ muddle through puberty, and raised four ridiculously awesome kids all on her own. I didn’t blame her for not wanting to have her own kids. She already had them.

“I have everything I want right here.” I held my forehead against hers. “I’m not running and I’m not letting you push me away.”

She sniffed and let a watery smile slip. “I don’t deserve you.”

I didn’t want to think about who deserved what, because I fell short in every category. She was a warrior, and I was a coward.

“Roll over. Lay on your stomach,” I said gently.

She obeyed and tucked the pillow under her cheek.

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