Page 63 of Rivers and Roads

I let out a slightly bitter laugh and shrugged. “Yeah. Which, I’m sure you don’t think that’s a big deal.”

I expected him to laugh with me, but instead, he leaned closer toward me. “Orion, I have always been an Omega. I barely remember the first time I went into heat. And now I know what to expect. We have a routine. I definitely think it’s a big fucking deal that a Beta went into one.” He licked his lips. “What happened?”

I fell back against the chaise again and covered my face with my hands. “It sent Zane into a rut. He wasn’t really with it yet. He was kind of…all instinct.”

“Did he…against your will?” Cameron asked tightly.

I sat up again and shook my head hard. “No. Gods…no, it wasn’t like that. I’m…” I laughed, a little embarrassed still in spite of the fact that Zane and I hadn’t bothered to hide what we were to each other. “I’ve always wanted him. I felt like I was taking advantage, but…”

“But he’s been head over heels in love with you for at least two years?” Cameron offered with a small grin.

“Fuck off,” I breathed, then chuckled. “But yeah, something like that. Anyway, after the heat, my eyes started to change back to blue, but there were these moments where flecks of orange would glow around my pupils. After the blast, I had the doctors check my hormone levels, and I still have uh…signs of Omega.”

“I see,” he said quietly.

My gaze turned back up to the stars. “The bomb got me in the face pretty good, and when my eyes started to heal, Zane noticed that the orange was stronger. Streaks of it.”

“Permanently,” Cameron said.

I nodded, then remembered to speak. “I think so, yeah. And I feel like the world’s biggest asshole because I keep thinking, if Danyal was here, he’d know what to do. But he’s been taken by those bastards, and it feels selfish to want him home for that.”

“I know damn well you want him home because he’s Zane’s brother, and because you care about him,” Cameron corrected. “But you’re also allowed to feel this way. You participated in something experimental—with no goddamn data—in order to save the man you love. And you couldn’t begin to know what the consequences would be.”

“Do you think it makes me a freak that I don’t hate it?” I asked him after a beat.

I felt a pulse of surprise in the air between us, and he cocked his head to the side. “Being an Omega?”

“Being this. Whatever the fuck I am now,” I told him. “I feel like myself, but…also, I don’t. I just don’t have the words to explain it.”

“I don’t think it makes you a freak,” he said. “People think I’m one because I don’t sit around wishing I wasn’t blind all the time. That my self-acceptance is more than just being okay with the hand I was dealt.”

I grinned at him. “Fair.”

“People are terrified of what they don’t understand. And you might have to deal with that in the future, once people see you.”

And it wasn’t like I hadn’t thought about that, but having him say it so blatant made my stomach twist again. It was easier, knowing I’d be with Zane—bonded to him, loving him for the rest of my life—but it was a heavy burden to bear.

“It’ll be okay though,” Cameron said after a while. He leaned back in his own chair and kicked his feet up as Loki came bounding over and settled next to him on the ground. He drifted his fingers through the dog’s fur, then let out a contented sigh. “And soon enough you and I will be family, and if that’s what all of this has led to, I’m going to consider it a gift.”

And well, I hadn’t thought of it that way, but hearing him say it that way made me realize I had gained so damn much more than I had lost.

It was deep in the night when Zane’s stirring dragged me from my fractured sleep. It started with a quiet growl, wordless sounds from deep in his chest. His body went stiff, and it didn’t take me long to realize he was having a nightmare—though it seemed like such a sorry, useless word for what it was.

Terror was more like it—trapped in memories of being stripped of his sense of self, tortured, forced to attack our kind. I knew he still saw blood on his hands every time he looked at them, and no matter how many people told him—over and over—that it wasn’t his fault, he’d never fully believe them.

And it wouldn’t be long before the rest of the world knew, and he’d be forced to stand against accusations of monstrosity.

A deep ache formed in the pit of my gut because I couldn’t save him from that fate. I couldn’t stand between him and those who were desperate to believe we were only a single step away from being little more than mindless animals. Even if it hadn’t lasted, he was proof that we could turn feral, and it wouldn’t matter then what life stood before us.

In that state, we would take it.

When his growling turned into whimpers, I rolled over and gently dragged my fingertips over his pulse. It was so rapid, it would have killed an ordinary human, and even in him, it was pushing him to his limits. A thin sheen of sweat formed on his brow, and he thrashed a little harder as I increased the pressure of my touch.

“You’re safe,” I told him. “You’re safe. I’m here.”

If we had bonded, I would have been able to feel him slipping sooner, and I would have been able to reach for him there instead of drawing him back to consciousness. I had never regretted waiting more than I did right then as his lips pulled back, and his fangs descended.

He took me by absolute surprise when his eyes opened, and he was on me. He pinned me to the bed, his claws sinking into my neck, his nose pressed to mine. He was breathing rapidly, growling now in the back of his throat. One move, and he could rip me to shreds, and there would be no time for me to heal.

---