Page 37 of Rivers and Roads

But he didn’t stir when I stood there, so I hurried to the bathroom and started the shower.

The hot water was a balm to my aching muscles, even if washing him off my skin made my gut ache. As I scrubbed, my fingers brushed over the curve of my neck, and I was hit with a sudden memory of his teeth there. Of him wanting to bite me, and me having just enough sense to stop him.

I felt hollow now, knowing what might have been, but I knew it was foolish. Even if I still had Omega in me now, it wouldn’t last forever. I couldn’t let Zane wake up from his torture to find himself bonded for life to a Beta. Even if he found it in himself to forgive me for the heat, he wouldn’t have ever looked at me again if I had allowed him to make it permanent.

He had knotted me, and I still felt stretched out, but that wouldn’t last. Eventually I would only have the foggy memories of what it was like to be pinned down and possessed by the only Wolf who had ever set my heart racing.

A small part of me wanted to send a letter to my ex-fiancé and tell her that I was sorry. That she was right to leave me, because I had never loved her enough. What she and I shared paled in comparison to the rush I got when Zane looked at me and that still wasn’t love.

Or at least, I didn’t think it was.

But I had fooled myself into thinking that I could have been content with her—settling for her, allowing her to settle for me. We had been at war, but it was still wasted time, and now that I knew what real desire felt like, I knew I couldn’t accept anything less. Even if it meant never tasting it again.

With a groan, I turned off the water, then dried off with perfunctory swipes of a towel. I hadn’t been brave enough to look in the mirror yet, and it was too foggy to see myself clearly as I rummaged through the cabinet and found a couple of unopened tooth brushes.

As my mouth filled with the taste of mint, though, the steam began to clear. I watched it rise from my chest to my chin, then to my nose, and eventually I could see myself entirely. My eyes were still shining orange, and I allowed the fear to overtake me.

My heart raced, my palms sweat where I was gripping the sink, and I felt like I was shivering from a fever.

How? How was I still not myself?

I jumped a foot in the air when a fist pounded on the bathroom door, and I spit toothpaste under the running water before turning it off. “Just a sec.”

As I fumbled for clothes, I heard the sound of Zane’s heart, an even thump. He said nothing, but I could smell his scent from under the door, and I realized he must have heard my panic attack.

“I’m fine, okay? Just…I’ll be out in a minute. I’m getting dressed.”

He didn’t say anything—likely he couldn’t. His only two words so far in the throes of my heat were a miracle in themselves. I listened for the sound of his footsteps, and the moment he was away, I slipped out the door and hurried to the second bedroom.

I would have given anything to have something besides sweats, but they were comfortable on my still-sensitive skin. As I dressed, I felt an overwhelming urge to call Kor and confess everything, but I could only imagine what he’d tell me.

‘It wasn’t your fault. You had no control.’

I didn’t want to be absolved by him. That was too fucking easy.

Gathering what little courage I had, I made my way into the living room and found Zane sitting on the sofa. He was tense, his shoulders drawn up high, and his eyes were clear and flashed bright yellow, fixed on me as I took a few steps closer.

He stiffened a little, but not the way he’d been doing before. His lips parted on a breath, and I saw his fangs were gone. He tracked me as I sank down into the chair, and he folded his arms over his chest, looking very much like the Alpha I had seen last in Corland.

And then I realized he probably was.

“You’re back,” I said.

He swallowed thickly, his jaw working like speaking took effort. “Whatever they were giving me, it’s passing.”

I let out a breath of relief, though part of me—a sick, terrified part—was going to miss when he felt free to reach out and touch me, and want me, without reservation. “I’m glad. Are you…are you injured? Do you need…?”

“I’m fine,” he said, his voice tight, and I couldn’t help my wince. He didn’t soften though, but he didn’t stop staring either. “I spoke with Kor this morning. He said you need to stop taking that shit my brother gave you.”

I winched and glanced out the window over his shoulder. “I left that back in DC.”

Zane leaned forward over his knees. “When was the last time you took it?”

“The morning I rescued you,” I told him. I let out a puff of air, then reached up and squeezed the back of my neck in an attempt to self-soothe the writhing panic threatening to take over my body. “I thought it would wear off by now, but Danyal warned me that we didn’t know enough about the effects on a Wolf taking it long term.”

“And yet you decided to pump that shit into your body?” he asked on a growl.

I looked at him, my eyes narrowed, and I realized that in spite of his Alpha posturing, I felt no need to submit. I didn’t know if it was because the serum was wearing off, or because he had knotted me just hours before, but I was grateful for it, whatever it was. “It was the only way to get the information we needed and be able to drag your ass home,” I snapped. “A thank you might be nice.”

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