Page 61 of Disturbed Lucidity

I couldn’t function like this.

I didn’t want to become the person I was before.

“You can’t run from your true nature, girly.”

Opening my eyes, Gunny smiled down at me, taking a seat next to me.

“Just be who God intended you to be. That’s all you can do and to hell with everyone else.”

“I’m scared, Gunny.”

Wrapping an arm around me, he pulled me closer, hugging me. “It’s okay to be scared, Ivy. We all are. But pretending to be someone you’re not won’t solve a damn thing. This world is a big scary place already, without pretending to be someone else. I say own who you are, embrace it, and wrap it around you like a coat of armor. If people can’t handle it, then fuck ‘em. They ain’t worth it.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Yes, you do. There are several men in that clubhouse that don’t give one fig about your past. All they want to do is help you. I think what’s bothering you is that they are men. Am I right?”

I nodded, sniffing.

Gunny sighed. “You don’t trust any of them, do you?”

Slowly, I shook my head.

“I want to, but I can’t.”

“Makes sense,” Gunny whispered. “Heard them talking about your past. Gotta say, girl, if I ever see that son of a bitch, I’m gonna read him from the good book.”

I chuckled, wiping my tears.

“Think I’d like to see that.”

“That man wasn’t your daddy, Ivy. No real dad would ever do what he did to you. Just sayin’. There is a special place in Hell for bastards like him.”

“That’s what Father Dominic told me.”

Gunny huffed. “Never agreed with a Catholic before. I’m Southern Baptist. We have our own beliefs and our own ways of dealing with shitheads, but the priest was right.”

“Gunny, how do I move past this? I know the club brothers wouldn’t hurt me, but I can’t trust them. When I look at them, all I can think about is what they really want from me.”

“Well, what do you see when you look at me?”

“I see an older man who’s had a hard life. A man who’s too stubborn to ask for help but will willingly give it. A man who wants to belong to something greater than himself. A man who finds beauty in the simplest things, who loves with his whole heart and will protect those he cares about with every fiber in his soul. I see a good man. An honest and loving man.”

“Honey, you just described every brother in that clubhouse. What I think you don’t understand is that every man in that building is a different breed of man. We are not civilians. We don’t wear suits. We don’t put on airs and claim to be something we’re not. We fight hard, protect with all our might, and will kill a motherfucker who dares harm one of our own. Luc claimed you, Ivy. He didn’t have to do that. He could have killed Los Santanas and walked away without a care in the world. But he didn’t. He claimed you before three different clubs, declaring to all that you belonged to him. No brother in a motorcycle club would ever do something like that on a whim. Trust me. I’ve been around many biker clubs. When a brother takes a woman, it’s a big deal. Bigger than a civilian getting married. It’s a commitment of trust, honor, and loyalty. Your old man basically said, for all to hear, that you were off-limits. That if anyone dared harm one hair on your head, he would destroy this world to avenge you. He showed you great respect, Ivy.”

“He doesn’t even like me, Gunny.”

Gunny threw his head back and laughed. “Oh please, girl. We’ve all seen the way he looks at you. Like a man dying of thirst. I may be old, but I ain’t blind. The second he laid eyes on you, you sparked something inside that man. Something he hasn’t been able to shake. Every time you are in the same room, the man can’t take his eyes off you. He watches your every move. Ain’t gonna say being with Luc will be easy because it won’t. The man is stubborn and refuses to compromise, but I think once you two stop fighting, you will both discover your path.”

“How do I deal with my other problem? You know the other thing?” I whispered, my cheeks heating.

“That’s easy, girl. Follow Luc’s lead.”

Groaning, I muttered, “Logic told me basically the same thing.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know how to ask.”

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