Page 105 of Disturbed Lucidity

My dreams had been out of control lately, causing me to sleep restlessly. I tried to make myself lie still, focusing on his breathing, the warm air flowing over me when he exhaled. I noticed the weight of his arm across my torso and the involuntary twitch of his fingers while he slept deeply. I tried to drift off as my father’s sinister smile erupted before my eyes, causing an indescribable storm of pain.

Gasping, I sat up, choking on the surrounding air as a roaring inferno of sorrow seared my soul while fragmented clips of the blue room assaulted me. In an attempt to shield myself, I pulled my knees up to my chest and curled my body protectively, all the while gripping my hand tightly over my mouth to stifle the scream that threatened to escape.

There was a heavy feeling in my throat, like there was a sob trying to escape and my eyes tried to hold back tears. The intense combination of coppery blood, sweat, and the pungent odor of urine overwhelmed my nostrils, creating an unpleasant sensory experience. The tension in my body increased and I coiled tighter, my hands gripped tightly onto my calves as my forehead repeatedly tapped against my kneecaps.

The emptiness I felt was so profound that it left me gasping for breath. The desolation in my soul was so intense that it rendered my heart incapable of beating. Memories mercilessly attacked me, expanding in my mind like a never-ending sea of heartache, until they left behind a trail of destruction that claimed fragments of my very existence. With a sense of desperation, my fingernails dug into my skin, desperately seeking any nerves that would still react. I turned my head and positioned my cheek against my knee and carefully observed Luc.

In a state of profound and undisturbed sleep, he was completely unaware of anything happening around him. While I watched him, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy toward the effortless way his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. Witnessing his eyelids twitching and his lips curled into a smile during his slumber. I craved the imaginative wonderland his mind effortlessly produced. I kept my eyes on him as he was oblivious to the battle I faced or the overwhelming flood of horrifying memories that rushed back to me.

Slowly extracting myself from the bed, I quickly dressed.

I didn’t know what I was doing or where I was going, but I knew I couldn’t be here. Quietly leaving the room, I snuck downstairs, careful not to wake the others. The second I stepped into the main room, I halted, seeing Slash sitting at a table with Father Dominic.

Hearing me, they both turned, and when Father Dominic stood, I didn’t hesitate. I ran to the man.

“Oh, my sweet girl.”

Crying into his chest, I sobbed uncontrollably when his familiar arms held me tightly, consoling me in the only way he could.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Slash muttered, getting up and leaving the room.

Releasing him, he brushed my hair from my face and wiped away my tears. “How about a walk?”

I nodded, sniffing. “I’d love that.”

The early morning air was chilly. We walked side by side, with no direction in mind. Both of us were silent for the longest time, neither of us willing to break the silence between us.

It was one of the traits I liked most about Father Dominic.

His quiet nature.

He wasn’t pushy like Logic. With Father Dominic, he didn’t prod, pick, or demand answers. He was just there, waiting patiently for me to say whatever it was I needed to say. His silence spoke volumes and it never failed to calm me because eventually I started talking.

“I think I made a mistake.”

“We all make mistakes, Ivy. That’s what makes us human.”

“No, I mean about not helping the detective. I should have told her what she needed to know.”

“Michael told me your Luc did that. What more could you have told her?”

“The truth. I remember, Padre.”

Father Dominic stopped. “What do you remember, Ivy?”

Looking up at the man, I whispered, “Everything.”

Father Dominic took a deep breath and continued walking. “I see.”

“You knew all along, didn’t you?”

He nodded. “Yes. Gladys and I knew. When Michael found you after you killed that man in the church, you were in a catatonic state. Dr. Lansing did a thorough exam. He left nothing out.”

“Do the others know? Does Luc?”

Father Dominic nodded.

“Fucking great.”

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