Page 103 of Disturbed Lucidity

His room.

The room where father taught me how to please him.

I’d been in this room for hours now as the pain encompassed my body while I waited for father to come teach me another lesson.

Only he never came.

I screamed out when my stomach hardened heavily.

I needed to go to the bathroom. Only there was no bathroom in the blue room.

I didn’t know what to do.

My stomach stiffened again, and I couldn’t stop myself. The intense urge to use the bathroom overwhelmed me and I finally succumbed to it, desperate to relieve myself. I exerted all my strength, but the pain remained unrelieved, lingering like a constant reminder.

The door swung open, and my father entered, pushing a small table ahead of him. Behind him, there was someone I knew very well.

Father was smiling again.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart? I hope you don’t mind but I brought a friend. I thought you might like the company.”

“It hurts!” I screamed, panting heavily as sweat beaded across my forehead.

“It’s supposed to hurt, Ivy. Such is the lot of women. You are fulfilling God’s duty to man.”

“She needs a hospital, Devlin. She’s too young,” the other man gasped when he looked at me. “What the fuck did you do to her? She’s a child.”

“You are not here to pass judgment on me or mine, Oliver. Just do what I am paying you for or leave and I will care for her myself.”

“You son of a bitch,” the man cursed, rolling up his sleeves as he pulled a chair over and sat at the end of the bed. Reaching for my legs, he spread them wide, and I screamed, trying to move away from him.

Father grabbed my neck and squeezed, cutting off what air I had. “You will behave, or I will rip that baby out of you myself.”

With no choice, I nodded and opened my legs.

Over the next hour or so, I endured excruciating pain that surpassed any agony I had ever felt before. My body trembled with an unfamiliar combination of sorrow, anguish, and heartache, leaving me feeling completely shattered. Even though I couldn’t find the words to express it, the moment the pain subsided and the man standing at the foot of the bed held a tiny doll in his embrace, tears welled up in my eyes. The cause of my tears remained a mystery to me, yet they cascaded down my cheeks relentlessly as I laid my eyes on it.

So that was what was inside me all this time.

It let out a piercing wail, drowning out all other sounds, as I desperately pleaded for it to hush.

Father didn’t like it when I cried.

Yet when I looked at father, he was smiling.

“Well? What is it?”

“A boy.”

“NO!” father shouted loudly, making me jump. “It was supposed to be a girl. I was sure of it this time.”

“She had a boy. Would you like to see the penis?”

“Get the fuck out of here!” Father yelled angrily, leaving my side while he paced the room as the man walked over to me, placing the small wiggly body in my arms. He was so small. Like a little doll I once played with. He had ten fingers, ten toes, and a full head of black hair, like mine. And when he opened his eyes, I smiled.

He looked like me.

He looked like Father.

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