Page 14 of Spark of Attraction

Divorce bullet dodged, as far as I was concerned, but I wasn’t about to say that aloud.

Her voice grew so quiet I had to lean in to hear her, especially since she wouldn’t look at me. “Part of me was relieved he was dead. I felt guilty about that for a long time. I felt guiltier when people would come up and tell me they were so sorry about everything, tell me what a nice guy he was. When I wanted to scream that I wasn’t sorry. That he was a fucking asshole. But I couldn’t, you know?”

“I think that’s a reasonable response.”

She drew a deep breath and straightened, forcing strength into her voice. “Anyway, Gareth’s gone, and I’m doing really well now.”

“Do you have anyone to talk to?”

“You mean like a therapist? Yeah. Rebecca. She’s been wonderful from our first session. I’d barely started telling her about Gareth when she’d shaken her head and said, ‘Everything he told you? Everything he tried to make your fault? Fuck that shit.’ Right then, I knew I’d found the right person. With Rebecca’s help, I started regaining my self-confidence.”

I brushed the back of my knuckles against her cheek. “I’m glad you found her.”

She leaned her cheek against my fingers. “So am I. Though it took me about a year of therapy to finally accept it wasn’t my fault. But now? Seeing you? Being around you? I’ve finally realized what I’ve been missing all those years.”

I pulled her onto my lap and cuddled her, thinking over all she’d told me, wondering how blind Gareth had been to miss what a great person she is, the damage he’d done to her self-image, what might be the best way to approach a relationship with her, and if it was too soon, when I realized she’d fallen asleep.

I stroked her hair, trailed my fingers over her shoulders and down her arm and kissed the top of her head. Was Dad right? Had I unconsciously sabotaged my relationship with Natalie because I was hoping Ellie would return home one day and we’d find each other again?

I wound that question around in my head for too long before deciding we’d both screwed up that relationship and I learned from it. Now I had a fresh start with Ellie.

Ellie, who had trailed around after Josh and me as a toddler, insisting we have tea parties on the lawn where all our friends could see us. Ellie, who on her first day at my high school, had bounded up to me and chattered nonstop, revealing things about me to my friends that I really didn’t want them to know. Ellie, who treated everyone like they were her best friend, whether they were the janitor, the cafeteria ladies, or the prissy cheerleaders who mocked her to her face.

Ellie, who loved this house and trusted me with her vision to restore it. Who, after years of living with an asshole, trusted me by telling me something she’d never shared outside of her family.

That was huge.

I needed to research what might trigger her, what to do if I triggered her accidentally, how not to trigger her. There was so much to research. But I knew I wanted to be there for her. I didn’t want this to be a one-time thing. I wanted her in my life, lying here beside me with those silly bunny slippers staring up at me, though hopefully from the floor, for the rest of my life.

But was she ready for a long-term relationship? Was I, or would I screw it up the way I had with Natalie?

My balls shrank at the thought that Ellie might suggest we make this a friends-with-benefits relationship. Or worse, a one-night stand. They got harder at the idea she might then go out and fall in love with someone else, expecting me to stand by with my thumb up my ass, wishing her the best.

“You’re thinking awful hard.” Her voice broke the silence. “Want to share?” She pulled back and stared at me, her head tilted to one side. “No, let me guess. You’re trying to figure out if I’m ready to be in a relationship.”

I nodded, unable to verbally respond. The idea of her dating other men bugged the shit out of me.

“I’ve dated a few times already. But none of them were…right. Anyway, this—” she circled her finger between us “—you and me? You’re…different. I can’t explain it.”

She bit her bottom lip, as if she were doing a mental play-by-play of how I’d kissed her. Talk about a fast way to shrivel my ’nads.

“You…care.” She nodded as if more confident in her choice. “Yeah, that’s it. You’re focused on me. I’m not used to that.”

“Then any guy you’ve been with is an asshat.”

She wiggled off my lap and sat beside me once more, pulling her legs to her chest and hugging them. “I’ve talked with Rebecca about that a lot lately. She thinks I am ready. So, the way I see it, we have three choices. The first is we have a one-and-done sex session and we walk away and never speak of it again.” She held up her hand with one finger extended, watching me closely. When I didn’t respond, she said, “I don’t like that choice.”

Thank God. “Me either.”

She touched her thumb to her middle finger. “Two, the friends-with-benefits option.” She pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nope, not liking that option either.”

Her thumb moved to her ring finger. “We keep seeing each other and see where this goes from there.”

“I like that idea.” Though I still had to deal with Josh and my broken promise.

She nodded and lowered her hands, staring at them. “I know it’s early days yet, but if we do this, if we see each other, you don’t see anyone else.”

I didn’t want to date anyone else, and I didn’t want to see her on the arm of someone else wandering around town or sitting across from another man at the Pancake Shack or one of the local restaurants. “I can agree to that. So do you want to tell Josh or should I?”

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