Page 95 of The World Undone

Claude did everything he could to keep me alive, but it was usually done while simultaneously threatening to kill me.

I grinned. I needed to check in on that fucker once all of this was through. Maybe we could pare our sibling rivalry back to something a little more tender, rather than simply beelining for each other’s tender parts with barbed steel.

The thought of Claude and I embracing with affection ripped a soft bark from my lips, startling the otherwise silent surroundings.

Haley, the vampire from The Lodge’s council, was also with us for this mission. She shot me a dark look, eyes narrowed and brow arched, like she could sense the shift in my mood.

She wasn’t interested enough to ask. And she also didn’t seem to have a death wish. Vampires knew better than to shove their way into another vampire’s business. Especially where they weren’t wanted.

I flashed fang at her, then licked my lips and stretched my smile further until my cheeks started to hurt.

She grunted and turned away, losing interest in my antics quickly.

I’d learned almost instantly that she had little patience for, well, much of anything or anyone outside of her work at The Lodge. Bishop was the only person she seemed to share any joviality with, and even that was measured and restrained.

Made sense, he was also a bit of a prick with a god complex.

She studied the grassy forest where we were biding our time, vigilant as ever. We’d been training with her for days, preparing for this. She never once engaged in small talk, never once showed any interest in any of us beyond the larger goals.

That served me fine. I didn’t want extra eyes on me.

Not when I’d been using all of my spare energy to keep Max and the others out of my head and away from the mess growing darker and encroaching closer each day. It was like a bottle of black ink had spilled, and it was now slowly blotting away any neat lines and boundaries I’d managed to draw on the page.

As far as Haley could tell, I was just another feral vampire excited for a kill and fresh burst of blood over my tongue.

She didn’t know that I had my fill of Max daily. That all other blood was like sewage water in comparison.

Which was good. I didn’t want to explain myself. Didn’t want to get into the fact that I was just happy to be away from The Lodge for a bit.

That place had me on the edge of cracking. It was like the ghosts of my past had hooked into my stomach, slowly tugging, tugging, tugging, until the darkness that I could usually push down, hide in the cracks and crevices of my psyche, the ones that I’d learned to cordon off, were right at the surface. Screaming into a void I couldn’t escape.

I was losing time. Waking up in the middle of the night, alone and outside in patches of the overgrown landscape I didn’t remember walking to.

It wasn’t like the sort of sleepwalking Max was experiencing. It didn’t always even happen at night. Sometimes, I’d blackout full hours of the day, my happenings and actions a mystery even to me.

There were full group conversations and inside jokes that I had no recollection of, even though the impish glances from the others suggested that I’d been there for them.

Declan had made some teasing remark before we left, the corners of her mouth sinking down into a frown when I wasn’t instantly responsive to it. I feigned a laugh after a beat, because for some reason I didn’t like seeing her sad, and I definitely didn’t want her going off into war with anything less than fond memories of me.

But still, it was wild for others to know your memories better than you did. I’d been spending less time with the group, the few moments we weren’t training, a sort of reprieve from the act.

I knew it was nothing more than The Lodge, Charlie, and Bishop—they were relics from one of the darkest periods in my life. When I was lost to the twisted, relentless consequences of abandoning my post. I didn’t need a therapist to tell me that they were dredging up memories I’d long tried to forget.

Max narrowed her eyes, took a step closer. She squeezed my hands, concern clear.

I’d avoided that look, that silent question for days. Brushed it off with a joke when I could, or ignored it altogether when I couldn’t.

“I’m fine.” And, for the first time in a long time, it was the truth. I could breathe here. Expand my lungs. My skin no longer felt too tight for my body, my thoughts no longer felt like they weren’t my own. And I didn’t feel quite as much like a ticking time bomb, just on the edge of explosion. “Promise.”

“Are you sure?” She took a step closer, her stare darting through me, like she could sense the darkness lurking in shadows beneath my skin, more noticeable by its sudden departure. I’d done a decent job of keeping her out of my head when I didn’t want her there, but she was smart, and she read me better than anyone. She knew things had been a little…off lately, but she’d given me the space I needed, when I needed it, letting me come to her when I was ready. I would be. As soon as we finished this fucking mission and got this magic mystery rock. “If not, we can go back. Tell the others. Regroup.”

“The only thing,” I tilted her chin up towards me, then bent down until my lips ghosted over hers, “that I want to do more than rip this council member’s spine from his skull, is take you right now up against that tree, and bury myself so far inside of you that I’m the only thing in this world you feel.” I nodded to the thick tree in question, relishing the blush creeping across her neck and cheeks. “Though I don’t think it’s quite strong enough to withstand all the things I want to do to you”

“Fucking hell,” Rowan grumbled, turning green and pale in the same places Max was pink. “I don’t need to hear this shit.”

I shrugged. “You signed up to be on this mission with me.”

Haley rolled her eyes, giving no other sign that she was witness to this conversation.

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