Page 164 of The World Undone

I’d allow myself this one comfort.

I sniffed. “If things get shaky, or something dangerous happens, promise me you’ll go? I have Charlie, Haley, and the others on alert.”

“Promise.”

The lake was freezing, but I welcomed the chill as I stepped in.

It helped ground me, tuning out the soft buzzing in my ears, the stiffness in my hands. It was like my mind was fighting to separate from my body, like I was watching myself from above—here but also not.

I blinked, the soft glow of the sun warm against my cheek, forcing myself to focus on the bitter chill against my skin. I couldn’t dissociate from this, I needed to be here, to focus.

Izzy stood close to the rocky shore, the closest I’d let her get, arms wrapped around herself as she shook with silent tears. Ralph was next to her, ready to rush her away if needed.

He’d followed us out, despite my panicked attempts to lull him back to sleep in the cabin.

I couldn’t hide from Ralph though. There was a magic about him that I didn’t understand, that I couldn’t fight. He’d sensed the truth of the situation without me uttering a word.

Izzy and I’d agreed, no goodbyes. But pulling out of her bone-crushing hug for the last time had almost broken me, especially when it was punctured by Ralph’s soft whine.

I gave them a soft smile before I trudged deeper into the lake, the stone and basin oddly floating in front of me, the fixture somehow abandoning its bulky weight in the water.

The basin zipped with an electric energy the moment the water touched it, shooting lightning zaps from where my skin guided it, all the way through my spine.

I’d closed the bond links as best as I could when I’d woken up this morning. I didn’t want them to feel what I felt, to know my plans before I had a chance to execute them, to feel when—when I was gone.

It was a betrayal, one that would haunt me in whatever world I crossed over into.

I let myself feel the soft hum of my team one more time, let the warmth there, strengthened by love, wash over me.

They’d be okay.

Everything would be okay.

I visualized the tethers between us that had become so clear in my mind the last few months. All of our work strengthening, nurturing them had made them feel psychically physical in a way they hadn’t before.

I took a deep breath, basking in their rightness, their strength.

And then, I visualized severing them, swallowing my scream at the sudden hollowness, the stabbing pain.

I let myself mourn the loss for one moment, and then, I waded further, squeezing the amulet that dangled from my neck just below the locket Cy had given me.

Michael’s amulet was warm to the touch, and surprisingly helped ease the new ache in my chest. I didn’t understand it, didn’t know if it would be useful. There’d been no amulet in the strange dream-walk I had. But it reminded me of Saif, of Sayty. And if I had to do this alone, bringing these small ties to family helped me feel less lonely.

The stone sparked and shimmered when we reached the strange portal Darius had torn open. It hadn’t remained permanently open, but there’d been moments, when the breeze fluttered just right, that I could see the tear between worlds.

This was where it would happen.

Holding my hand up to the shimmering sky, I let my fingers trace along the edges of the portal. It felt different than the others I’d been through, and seemed to almost welcome my presence, like it was guiding me home, my skin tingling in the places where I traced it.

Taking a deep breath, I shoved the lingering fears deep into the recesses of my mind, letting my body guide me through a ritual it had memorized long before it belonged to me.

I pulled my hand back then, with a fluid motion, sliced the flesh of my palm against the sharp ridge of the stone. I watched as my blood washed over the side, collecting in the shimmering pool of liquid.

My movements were mechanical, transfixed as the scene played out just as it had in my dream, the directions easy to follow as if there were no way to mess this up.

The pool of liquid changed colors as it mixed with my blood, and I waited until there was enough of it, enough of my power swirling in the depths—until it turned the milky-white it had in my dream.

My heartbeat raged against my ribs, the wind picking up with urgency, until my hair whipped against my face in thick ropes of black.

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