Page 24 of The World Undone

It was the only word I could bring myself to say. I swallowed back the anger raging through me on Eli’s behalf. She’d hurt him, left him. Seamus too. What right did she have to fill the role of protective mother now?

But some of my own guilt lingered amongst it. She’d, perhaps unknowingly, tugged at a fear I’d been doing my best to keep tightly coiled. I couldn’t control the fact that I was Lucifer’s daughter, that I was the catalyst between realms.

That didn’t mean I wasn’t absolutely terrified about what that meant for my team. The stronger our bonds became, the more danger I put them in, whether intentionally or not. I was an anchor and with every touch, every moment we spent together, every wall we knocked down, the bonds became ropes tying them to me. I could already feel that rope turning to steel—unbreakable.

The only way I could survive the fear of what I’d eventually have to do was by convincing myself that when it was time for me to sink, those tethers would uncoil and gracefully release. Otherwise, I’d have to cut them myself.

Evelyn narrowed her eyes as she watched me, glassy amusement evident in their depths. “You don’t like me very much, do you.”

It wasn’t a question, merely an observation—no hurt or accusation lacing her tone.

I tensed, but I didn’t deny it. I couldn’t. “Do you blame me?”

She deflated slightly, the chair squeaking pathetically as she leaned back into it, like it was expressing some of the sorrow she couldn’t. The harshness of her presence softened, like a statue grown weary from years of weathering.

“No, I suppose I can’t, can I?” Her fingers picked at the worn fabric on the arm of her chair as she wrestled with some emotion I couldn’t quite parse. Like Eli, she was difficult to read. “You may not understand it, Max, or even believe it, but I do love my son. Both of them. Fiercely. More than anything in the entire world.”

I bit my lip, trying to keep my doubts from spilling forward.

Her eyes shot to mine, clearly seeing them written on my face regardless. She sat up, the sleek, powerful mask back in place. “You shouldn’t pass judgment on things you don’t understand. Has our world taught you nothing in your brief exposure to it?”

I arched my brow, but swallowed my tongue, uncomfortable with speaking about this without Eli present.

“You love him too,” she nodded, adding more to herself than to me, “that’s good. You wouldn’t be filled with that righteous anger if you didn’t care for him. I’m glad he has you.”

The silence stretched so long that it became uncomfortable, thick with the awkwardness of the situation—until I couldn’t take it for another moment.

So, I told her the truth.

“I don’t like you, no. How could I after what you’ve put him through?” I took a deep breath. “I can also concede that I don’t know the details of your past. But that doesn’t matter, not with everything happening. Family trauma is a whisper into the void compared to what we’re up against. I do believe that you are here because you believe in this place—in the truth. I will work with you, to save as many people as we can. So will Eli, no matter how much doing so pains him.”

“What I’ve put him through,” she echoed, nodding, her lips quivering slightly as they formed the words. “I have put that boy through more pain than he’s ever deserved, there is no question there.” Her voice was soft, filled with a sadness that twisted inside of me. I hated myself because, in that moment, I didn’t hate her. I couldn’t. No matter how badly I wanted to on his behalf. I understood the grief that lingered inside of her, that sense of loss. “I don’t owe you an explanation, Max, though I do owe him one. Seamus too. Despite what you may think you know, I care deeply for them both. Leaving them was the hardest thing I’ve ever done,” the side of her mouth curved into a sad smile, “and I have lived no easy life.”

“But you did—” I said, “leave them, I mean.”

She nodded. “I did. I had to.” Her head tilted as she watched me, and suddenly it seemed as though she could see every errant thought in my head, reading me with far more ease than I could her. “But is it so impossible for you to imagine? Loving more than one person at once? Loving someone that everyone in your life tells you that you shouldn’t? Forsaking that life for one that keeps those you care for safe, alive, even if doing so breaks your heart in half?”

My breath caught in my chest. I didn’t know who Levi’s father was, why she couldn’t be with him and Seamus, like I was with my team.

I wanted to ask her questions about her past, about why she left, why she chose Levi instead of Eli, but I realized as soon as I opened my mouth that she was right—she didn’t owe me these answers. And pulling them from her when Eli wasn’t here felt like a betrayal that I’d never forgive myself for.

I was already betraying him as it was—betraying them all—every moment that I didn’t tell them the truth about Lucifer’s ritual.

When it came down to it, I’d end up leaving him just as she had.

“You’re right,” I said, my throat suddenly raw, “I don’t know the details of your situation.” I considered her for a long moment, the version of her I’d conjured in my head reshaping into someone more complex than I’d imagined before. She was no longer this phantom figure—the original antagonist in Eli’s story. Now, she was colored in shades of gray, like us all, I supposed. There were no perfect heroes or villains in this story. “But if you truly love Eli as you say you do, you owe him that story—your truth. If he wants to hear it, that is.” I licked my lips. “And until he does, you should understand that my thoughts about you don’t matter. As far as we’re concerned, Eli is my priority, not you.”

She nodded, considering me for a moment. “Fair enough. I’m glad to know that if he doesn’t want me in his corner, he at least has you there.”

We were silent for a few long moments, but before I could break the heavy stretch, she beat me to it.

“You remind me of her, you know. It wasn’t immediately obvious at first, but the signs are there if you know to look for them. You have her fire. Her fierce loyalty.” The shadow of Eli’s smirk reappeared on her face again. “Her stubbornness.”

The words hit me like an iron bar to the gut.

“Like who?” I asked, even though I knew the answer. There could be only one.

She looked up, the smirk turning into something softer. “Your mother.”

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