Page 18 of Not So Casual

“Do you want to eat some leftovers?” My body stiffens at his question, the words echoing around me. As much as I would love to stay here longer, I can’t. The more casual I can keep this, the longer he’ll stick around.

“Thank you, but I can’t. I’m meeting Melanie for breakfast in the morning, so I should probably get going.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, of course.”

Glancing back at him, I notice his brows are furrowed, and his eyes are narrowed, but he doesn’t say anything else. Gathering up all of my things, I offer him a quick wave before leaving his condo.

We’ve had sex twice, and for the second time, I’m running away.

“Wait, wait, wait, tell me again. How did this happen?”

I’m out to breakfast with Melanie, and I’m finally telling her about what’s been going on with Alexander. She’s wide-eyed, her drink suspended in the air, and I giggle at her shocked expression.

“To be honest, I’m still not sure how it happened either. One minute we’re working and the next his dick is in my mouth.”

“But like, how did his dick get into your mouth? Was he all ‘Elias suck my dick’ in his growly voice or did something happen leading up to it? Cause I need to know all the details.”

“He was saying something stupid like Alexander tends to do, and I called him out on being jealous. And honestly, Melanie, I don’t know where the hell my confidence came from but damn.”

“Wow.” Her mouth looks stuck in an O shape, and I can’t help but snicker. “I’m so damn proud of you, though. His jealousy at the club was so obvious, I was hoping something would happen that night.”

“Definitely not that night. I don’t even remember getting to his place. But when we were at work, I just went for it. Honestly, I had nothing to lose. He saw me drunk and annoying that night, so putting myself out there wasn’t too bad.” Just remembering how I acted like a total idiot has me flinching. I can’t believe I drank that much and drunk dialed him. And then had to have him come get me as I made a fool of myself.

“What happened next? Have you had sex again?”

Taking a quick sip of my mimosa, I smile widely, then wince when Melanie screeches loudly.

“Oh my god, Elias. Tell me everything. Right this second.”

“It’s only happened twice. But it’s just sex.” Glancing away, I avoid making eye contact with her. Just saying it’s only sex hurts. It’s so much more than that, but I can’t admit it. I can’t risk saying it out loud or else it’ll all come crashing down around me.

“It’s never just sex with you, though. That’s not the type of person you are. You’re a relationship guy. You love being in a relationship.”

“But that’s not who he is, and maybe it’s not me.”

“You can’t change who you are for him.”

“I’m not, but you should have seen him, Mel. After we first hooked up, he gave me this talk about how he wanted it to be casual, like I was needy for him or something. Like I was going to beg him for a relationship.”

I felt so little at that moment. I didn’t want him to see how much his words hurt and affected me. So, I did the only thing I could do, which was bluff my way out of it and act as though casual was what I wanted all along.

“You do want a relationship, though.”

“No. Well, yeah. But I’ve been wanting him for so long. I’ll take him any way I can get him. And honestly, no other relationship has worked out for me. So maybe it’s time I try this. Let me have my casual hoe phase.” I shrug, spouting out words with a confidence I don’t feel.

“Oh sweetie.”

“Don’t ‘oh sweetie’ me.” I huff, taking another gulp of my drink. “I can do casual.”

Melanie sighs, patting my hand gently. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I won’t get hurt.”

“Okay, I trust you know what you’re doing. By the way, I tried out this new yoga studio yesterday. I think you would love it.”

“Oh god, please tell me it isn’t like goat yoga?” I shudder, remembering the time when Melanie forced me to go to goat yoga with her. She claimed it would be a great experience and that doing yoga with goats would be fun. It was not. Goats kept bumping into me, nipping at my clothes and the smell of shit was all throughout the air. Melanie always wants to try new things and I tag along, being the best friend I am.

Melanie tosses her head back, a loud chuckle leaving her lips. “No, no. It’s normal yoga, but there’s an intermission when they play loud bass music. I thought you might like it. I know the whole point of yoga is relaxing, but it's a nice contrast to it.”

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