Page 65 of Heart So Hollow

My muscles tense, anticipating an awkward moment that never comes. Even if Hannah did hear Bowen’s snipe, she doesn’t let it show.

Bowen turns back to me, his mouth curling into a half-smile, “I told you I’d figure it out.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Brett

Present

“How was writing the book?” Judy flips through the pages in her lap, “This is a huge accomplishment.”

I promised her I’d bring her a copy. It’s not published, it’s only a manuscript, but I thought if she can read it, she’ll understand some things about me that I don’t know how to put into words—things I’m still discovering about myself. It’s technically fiction, but there are always kernels of truth hidden between the lines. Always…

“It actually didn’t take me as long to write as I thought it would. One day, it hit me like I just needed to do it. And once I started, I just kept writing as long as the words flowed.”

“How did it feel to finish it?” Judy glances up, “How does it feel now to see your story on actual pages in front of you?”

“I already know what it feels like to finish writing a book…” I trail off with a hint of sadness, “but now it feels weird, like I’m so happy it’s done, but I’m scared of what happens next.”

“Are you afraid of what will happen when people read it?”

“Yes…” I nod apprehensively, “this is what I’ve wanted my entire life, but it comes with a price. I can’t have my dream without the nightmare. And that…” I pause, scrunching my face up in frustration.

“Is really fucked up?” Judy finishes my sentence.

“Yes!” I explode in anger. “Why do I have to deal with all this shit after the fact? Why does that motherfucker get to wreck people’s lives and just go on like nothing happened?” I shout, flipping my hand through the air. “Why does he get to forget everything?”

“No, no, no, no…” Judy immediately drops the papers and raises one hand to stop me. Then she points her mauve fingernail straight at me, “He has not forgotten you,” her eyes bore into me from across the coffee table, “and he will never forget you.”

???

Episode 186: Brett Sorensen

The Spice Ghouls Pod

June 22 · 42 min 41 sec

00:21:06

SYDNEY: So, we all know no matter how many fans you have, there will always be haters out there.

TYLER: Welcome to the club…

SYDNEY: What do you say to the people who think you’re romanticizing toxic masculinity and violence against women?

BRETT: Is that because Gage’s character is supposed to be hot?

SYDNEY: I’m sure.

TYLER: And then you immediately ruin their lives when he turns out to be the villain…

(LAUGHTER)

BRETT: I get it, it’s not fair. But I think it’s important to differentiate between romanticizing something and merely writing about it. Abusers romanticize themselves all the time. They don’t need help from me.

SYDNEY: Yes…

BRETT: For me, it’s all about intent. I have to show you why things happened the way they did. And the truth is, they wouldn’t have happened if Gage’s character wasn’t extremely appealing at first. I’d also ask the skeptics whether they’ve met anyone who’s endured narcissistic abuse. I think society still has this image of a villain that doesn’t jive with reality. Think about it—a serial killer doesn’t get away with their crimes because they look like Freddy with knives for fingers lurking in the bushes. They get away with it because they look like everyone else, maybe even better. They’re attractive, smart, charismatic, and they can blend in with their surroundings. But it’s hard to wrap our minds around it because we don’t want to believe we can be tricked.

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