Page 251 of Heart So Hollow

I reel back and shove him in the shoulder, wrenching my arm out of his grip, “Are you kidding me right now, Bowen?”

“If anyone’s playing head games right now, Evie, it’s you,” he snarls. “Do you remember what you told me? Or did you conveniently forget, just like you neglected to tell me you killed my baby?”

“Why don’t you tell me, Bo?” I hiss back, my entire body shaking with rage, “Since you seem to know everything!”

Bo stills, his shoulders rising and falling steadily as he glares down at me. If I weren’t so angry, I probably would’ve shut my mouth by now. Even though he has the most gorgeous smile I’ve ever seen, when his eyes turn darker than pitch, he can be spiteful and downright scary when he wants to be.

He runs his tongue along the back of his teeth, “I’ll never leave you,” he murmurs in a mocking tone, “I just want you, Bo. You, and nobody else...”

I let out a long, slow breath as my words drip from his lips like acid. And when he’s finished, there’s nothing left but the shrieks of tree frogs and a chorus of insects ringing in my ears. How can silence be so loud?

“Do you want me to tell you I’m a liar?” I look up at him with resolve, “Is that what you want to hear?” After a few moments, I shake my head in exasperation, “I love you, Bo, but—”

“The fuck did you say to me?” he cuts me off, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

Shit…I just said that out loud.

I blink hard and avert my eyes, staring at some random clump of moss on the limestone.

“Speak!” he barks, making me flinch.

“I said—” I pause and take a deep breath, “I love you.”

It’s not a lie. You can still love someone even if you know you can’t be with them. You can still love someone even if you know it’ll never work out. You can still love someone even if you’re still trying to figure out what love is. You can still love someone even if you shouldn’t. It’s the kind of love you feel when you finally know both sides of someone; when they finally show you the secret parts that they don’t want anyone else to see.

But, still, maybe I shouldn’t have said it out loud.

There’s something chaotic going on behind Bo’s eyes and the muscles in his face twitch with alternating expressions of both intrigue and skepticism. He studies me, his brow furrowed like he’s trying to decide whether I’m telling the truth.

He tilts his head with curiosity, “How much do you love me?”

Now that I’ve said it, I can’t just clam up now. Batter up, Maguire...I clench my teeth and take a deep breath; no more games, no more drama, all that’s left is the truth. Even if it’s inconvenient. Even if it hurts.

“Enough to ask myself if I really want to leave.”

His expression doesn’t change, “And?”

When I look at Bo, my face tells him all he needs to know. I can feel it in my eyes, and I know he sees it, too. It’s the silent resolve that comes with the acceptance that I’ve made my choice, it’s not him, and there’s no going back.

“And you’re going anyway,” he answers for me. Then his eyes darken again and he leans in close, “Then what the fuck do you care what I think about you, anyway?” he rasps with nothing but pure malice.

He’s just angry. But he’ll move on, probably faster than I will.

“I thought it might work, that I could come back and we could still do this together,” I chew the inside of my cheek, “but I can’t. I can’t come back here, wonder what you’ve been doing while I’ve been gone, and deal with the days when you decide I don’t exist. I won’t,” I shake my head. “The highs are so high, but the lows are…” I trail off, fighting the rising lump in my throat. “Bo, I’ve never felt with anyone the way I feel when I’m with you…and I hope I never do again.”

Bo looks away, “Well,” he gazes off into the trees, “I guess we’ll see if you still love me after tonight.” If he didn’t ice me out for what Col did, he sure as hell will for this. Bo is all or nothing, and if anyone is going to do the leaving, it’s him. “You like playing games, right?” He looks at the ground with a sniff, “You can hit hard, and you can run pretty fast…”

“What?” I don’t know what he’s getting at.

Bo reaches behind his back, pulls his shirt up, and lifts something out of the waistband of his pants. When he brings his hand back around, my breath catches. Even in the darkness cut with moonlight, I realize he’s gripping a black handgun.

“Superstar Maguire with the thick thighs and RBIs…” he taunts.

“Bo,” my heart is beating so hard, I can barely breathe, “what are you doing?”

Bo aims the gun at the ground and peers down the barrel, “It’s illegal to hunt deer right now…” after a few moments, he lifts his head again, “but not you.”

“Bo…"

---