Page 247 of Heart So Hollow

Except, now, I don’t know whether any of it was true. Because when Bo walks through the door and sees Hildy and I losing our shit in the kitchen, he just stands in the doorway like a statue, watching us, his expression unchanged.

And he stays that way.

Suddenly, all his texts stop, all his calls stop, and his continuous presence abruptly ends, replaced by the way things used to be. Maybe I downplayed the possibility of UCLA so much in order to steel myself for rejection that he didn’t believe it would actually happen. So, now, Bo acts like he hates me to make himself feel better. Except he never sticks to it. There will be moments, flashes of time where he forgets that he’s supposed to be angry with me and, soon, I never know which Bo I’m going to get.

Then, a couple weeks later, something else happens, something totally unexpected. And everything changes—again. My unassuming and well-ordered life feels like it’s descending into chaos. Except, this time, I can’t tell anyone about it. Bo’s not speaking to me and there’s no way I can tell Hildy or Col. The only one I tell is Hannah, and she’s the only reason I’m not going completely insane right now.

It’s stupid, but I also hate the uncertainty of the next couple of months. Are we still going to see Evanescence this summer? I don’t even know if we’re still going to prom together. You’d think that would be the last thing on my mind, but it’s not. And it’s like the mere act of thinking about it brings about turmoil, even while I’m sitting in English minding my own business.

“I showed Bo Garrison a picture of my dress. He said it was hot.” I stop scribbling notes about Midsummer Night’s Dream when I hear Asher Avery’s voice across the aisle. “Then he asked if I had a date yet.”

“Does he have one?” someone asks from behind her.

I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, my heart pounding with dread.

“I don’t think so,” Asher ponders, “he’s supposed to be at Leland’s tomorrow and asked if I’d be there.” She smiles salaciously, “So, I guess we’ll see…” I shudder at the sound of her sing-song voice overflowing with innuendo.

After another five minutes, I just get up and leave to sit in my car and cry until the end of class. Bo doesn’t even have to tell anyone he dumped me because I don’t exist anymore.

I start spending more time up in Dire Ridge at Dad and Christy’s house on the weekends. Being with Col and Dallas and stepping into their life makes me forget my problems, if only for 24 to 48 hours until I have to go back to Canaan for school on Monday.

I wish Col went to my school. I wish I could tell him half of what’s happened, but he’s still angry about what Bo did the last time they raced. I’d rather stand in the kitchen eating brownies out of the pan with him, anyway.

“Fuck him,” he seethes with disgust, “the only reason he even made it to the bridge is because no one wants to face the wrath of Pappy Garrison.”

“Yeah,” I mutter, picking a brownie out of the pan, “he can be a dick sometimes.”

Col shoves a brownie in his mouth, “Y’all have a fight?”

“No,” I sigh, “I think he’s—” I cut myself off, but not before I realize I’ve already said too much.

When I look up, Col’s chewing his fudgy mouthful of brownie, staring at me. I’m about to blurt out some idiotic attempt at damage control, but then I see the corner of his mouth curl ever so slightly. I know that look, the one he usually has when he’s messing with me.

“You know...” I say slowly, furrowing my brow, “but how do you know?”

“Lucky guess,” Col shoots me a side-eye, “you almost let yourself get arrested so you could ride with him after the race, it’s not fucking rocket science.”

Part of me is glad he figured it out. At least some of it, anyway.

“Are you mad?” I ask apprehensively.

“No,” he shakes his head, “I’m not mad. But if you just told me that you wanted a guy who drives fast cars, I could’ve found you someone better.”

“Shut up!” I reel back and smack him in the shoulder, “I can find my own guys, thank you,” I say as an unexpected laugh escapes my throat.

“Apparently…” Col brushes off his hands and leans back against the counter, “so, he’s your boyfriend?”

“No—I mean, yeah…” my shoulders slump in exasperation as despair washes over my face, “I guess…but nobody else knows.”

“Why not?” Col deadpans, clearly not impressed, “Jay’s his best friend and he’s dating Hildy,” he adds bitterly.

Yeah, I think to myself, and I hope none of my relationships start out as jacked up as theirs did…

“Bo and Jay are not me and Hildy. It’s different,” I fire back, tossing a piece of brownie in my mouth.

“You think?” he says with a roll of his eyes.

“Hildy already has enough girls crying to her about Bo. She doesn’t need me doing the same.”

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