Page 186 of Heart So Hollow

I glare at her, looking past the screen, not seeing the screen, only seeing the face of my best friend who’s just betrayed me in the worst way possible, “How. Fucking. Convenient.”

“It’s not here, Brett!” she shakes the phone at me in desperation, “Look at the texts!”

“I already looked at them. Why the hell do you think I’m here?”

Barrett’s face relaxes and morphs from panic to defiance, then lifts her finger and points at me, “I don’t know what the fuck is happening right now, but there shouldn’t be any reason Bowen has any picture of me on his phone.”

“Is that why you also came downstairs in nothing but your underwear?”

Barrett’s jaw drops and her eyes flash with fury, “That is not what happened!” she growls, “What the fuck is Bowen telling you?”

For a moment, I consider asking Barrett what happened, but I don’t. Because what’s there to pour over, go over step-by-step in grueling detail? I’ve already seen the texts and her naked body on Bowen’s phone. What else is there to tell? There’s nothing.

I stare back at her with momentary sadness, “Is this my punishment for telling you what happened with Colson?” my voice cracks and falls to a near whisper, “Is this why you told Bowen I’m broken and I’ll never get over Colson?”

“No!” she snaps, incredulous.

My voice cracks as the sobs threaten to break through, “I shouldn’t mind because what I did was so terrible—because I don’t deserve someone like Bowen anymore?”

“I have never once uttered Colson’s name to Bowen—ever! Bowen was the one who brought him up this morning.”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever told what really happened. How would he have known any of that?” I drag my hand across my face and then bring it down with a smack at my side, “I trusted you!”

“Goddamnit, Brett,” Barrett screams, pounding her chest, “it’s me!”

“Exactly! It’s you…” as soon as I say it, my face implodes into a mess of sobs, “you’re my best friend and none of this was supposed to happen!”

After realizing I have nothing left to say, I turn and stalk back out of the house, slamming the door behind me. Barrett storms after me, her shouts only a muted buzz as I climb back into my SUV and resume my catatonic state.

Even when I get back home, I walk through the door in silence, ignoring everything else around me. I don’t even look at Bowen, a fuzzy silhouette in my periphery, as I trudge down the hallway to the bedroom. Maybe he said something to me, I’m not sure.

I would’ve climbed into bed right then, but I’m so goddamn particular about my routine that I can’t. I have to change into pajamas first, wash my face and rinse off my cleanser with a mixture of tears and tap water before I brush my teeth. Only then can I finally jerk the blackout curtains closed and crawl under the covers in my pitch-black cave.

But sleep isn’t an option.

How can I sleep when my life is imploding? I don’t know what else to do, so I text Katie. And to my surprise, she responds in a matter of minutes, which is totally unlike her. But I’m not an idiot. It usually takes her at least a day to respond to something specific, and this time I only asked if she could talk, so I assume she’s already been talking to Barrett. And if she is talking to Barrett, she’s at least tactful enough not to say so.

I don’t want to send her the screenshots. I can’t even look at them. I should just delete them. Why do I need to keep them—to remind me of how my most cherished friendship went to hell in a matter of hours?

Barrett was more than my best friend, she was my ride or die, the one person who would never leave, no matter what else changed in my life. And now I’m lying under my blankets in the pitch dark, barely able to even see my texts with Katie because my eyes are so swollen and blurry.

KATIE (10:43PM): I see the texts and I can’t argue with anything you’re saying. But I still can’t wrap my mind around it.

ME (10:46PM): She told him things there’s no way he could’ve known otherwise.

KATIE (10:48PM): Idk maybe I’m just in shock. I have no idea what to think about any of this. Barrett loves you. Why would she do this to you?

I don’t know. I don’t know.

Katie doesn’t even know the half of it. It’s too awful and messy and complicated. And that’s the worst part—Barrett was the one person who knew everything. She’s been my confidante in this entire tangled mess. And that went away the moment I looked at Bowen’s phone. Now it’s all just a heavy weight, a concrete block coated in gunpowder that I’m dragging around, ready to explode.

I don’t know how much time passes until I feel the mattress shift and the familiar weight of Bowen’s body settle behind me. I stay still, the realization setting in that I didn’t stick around long enough to hear whether he would say anything about Colson and my alleged trauma bond to him.

Trauma bond…does Bowen even know what that means?

He must not be too upset by it because I feel him roll toward me and rest his nose against the back of my head. After a few moments he slowly wraps his arm around the lumpy pile of blankets that is my body.

“Are you awake?” Bowen murmurs into my hair, “You want to come over here?”

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