Page 171 of Heart So Hollow

“Four what?” he replies.

“Four babies…” I smile to myself in the darkness, “whether Jay watches or not.” I let out a snort, still unable to keep a straight face about that nonsense.

He’s still for a few moments and then envelopes me in his arms, “He can help me build more rooms onto this house,” he kisses my shoulder, “but you’re for my eyes only.”

Bowen is a beautiful trainwreck that appeared out of thin air, who embodies both stability and chaos. Maybe it doesn’t matter that I don’t know what he’s thinking at any given time—as if he knows what bizarre peculiarities live in my head.

As I’m about to drift off, his voice stirs me once more, “I promise I’ll get you more pajamas, too,” he whispers into the back of my neck.

Breathing into his arm, I hear Barrett’s voice in my head—again. But now she’s saying something different, repeating one phrase over and over again.

He’s a better version of Colson…

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Brett

Present

“It’s really a form of torture,” Judy draws up her knee in her chair, “but nobody sees it that way because it just seems like rude behavior. The patterns are so subtle that they can be extremely difficult to recognize. You’re the only one who really can, but you’re also being totally brainwashed in the process to the point you can’t trust your own mind anyway.”

Suddenly, Barrett’s voice echoes in my head—who’s going to believe you?

No one, that’s who. Not after he was done driving me insane and making everyone think the same. I had no best friend, no family in the same country, and everyone else poisoned by lies and deceit.

“I didn’t see it then,” I pause, smiling to myself as I recall, “but my boyfriend was the only one who never treated me like I was crazy. I mean, besides Barrett, but…” I trail off, not wanting to even think about the mess with her.

Judy smiles and gives a slow nod, “The one who’s still here,” she murmurs, “who stood with you through everything.”

“Yeah,” my smile fades, “and even after all that, I still feel like I’m not here. I still feel like I’m trapped in that room, with a monster breathing down my neck, and I don’t know how to get out. I should be happy. I have everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything should be perfect, but it’s not. Because I’m here, but I’m not here.” My breathing gets heavier and my eyes begin to well, “And it’s not fucking fair!”

Judy gazes at me for a few moments, her eyes sparkling. That’s what she always looks like when she’s getting ideas.

Finally, she clasps her hands at her chin, “I haven’t forgotten what you said about looking past the fear.” She narrows her eyes with a determined nod, “We need to get you out of that room. And there’s something I want to try with you at our next session. When it comes down to it, it could save your life.”

???

There’s a Thai place about a mile from the Toyota dealership that has the best Pad See Ew on the planet. Or, at the very least, in the state. I haven’t been to every Thai restaurant in the state, but it’s the best I’ve had since I moved here. And I really like Pad See Ew.

“This place is amazing!” Valerie mumbles through a mouthful of pineapple curry, “How’d you find it?”

“My boyfriend,” I reply, swirling a few noodles around my chopsticks and securing them by pinching a cube of tofu. I’m pretty good with chopsticks, but noodles are tough. I’ve finally gotten to the point where I can eat at a steady pace and not take an hour because I’m so slow. “He was born around here, and this is the first place he took me for an actual date.”

Looking around the restaurant, you wouldn’t think it’d be a prime location for romance, but anyone who’s ever been here knows it’s a gem hidden between the vast spans of farmland and forests. It’s jammed between a law office and an insurance agency in a nondescript building from the 80’s that looks like it’s in dire need of maintenance. Green leather booths peppered with scuffs and tears line the walls and there may or may not be an even number of chairs at the tables at any given time. The acoustic ceiling tiles near the kitchen are caving in, but there’s an immaculate fish tank near the hostess stand that looks like it belongs in a five-star hotel.

And it’s always crowded—always. I also love the name, Thai Planet. Its purple and green neon sign reminds me of a bowling alley and the name makes me wonder if I’ll run into the cast of Toy Story under the tables. But I’m not a snob. Far from it, actually. This is where I feel most comfortable, in an unassuming place with character that takes on a life of its own with each story shared over a plate of Pad Kee Maow.

“That’s really sweet,” Valerie takes a sip of water, “back in Cuyahoga Falls, there was a Chinese place that was kind of like this—didn’t look like much on the outside, but the food was amazing. Not like regular takeout, but authentic Chinese that you can’t get just anywhere.”

“Are you from Ohio, too?” I ask in disbelief.

Valerie pauses, going silent, “Yeah!” she finally grins, “That’s where I grew up…before moving here. Is that where you’re from?”

I nod and continue to wrap noodles around my chopsticks, “I grew up in North Bay, on the lake.” I glance up with a smirk, “What are the odds?”

“That’s so crazy,” she laughs, skewering a piece of chicken, “what brought you here?”

I continue twirling my noodles, taking leisurely bites of egg and broccoli, and savoring the sauce with just the right amount of spice. I could make something up—something normal. I could make it seem like the last year of my life weren’t taken straight out of a Lifetime movie. But what’s the fun in that?

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