Page 9 of The Infinite Light of Dust

“Why wouldn’t I be?” With a shrug, he attempted to sit up straight.

Oh, Austin. My idiotic, loving, always-getting-himself-in-a-mess-but-has-good-intentions twin brother.

“Because of Phillips coming home?”

Austin jutted out his jaw like he did when he was caught stealing liquor from our parents’ cabinet. “What does that have to do with me?”

The sourness and hurt in his voice was hard to swallow. I didn’t know where to start, but it was impossible to ignore everything happening around us. “This is the worst timing, but this picture is floating around,” I said.

I opened the photo on my phone of Austin and Elodie kissing against her car and showed it to my brother. They were in their clothes from the day before yesterday, the same sky-blue hoodie Austin was still wearing. His already pale face lost the last little bit of color it had, and he jerked my phone from my hand and shot to his feet. He nearly ran into the low-set coffee table in front of the couch as he paced.

“What the fuck? How the—” He ran his fingers through his tousled hair and pinched the screen to zoom in on the photo. “Who sent this to you?”

“Mendoza sent it to Kael, but we don’t know who sent it to him. It’s going around the group and everyone agreed to not tell Phillips . . . but now he’s here, so I don’t know what is going to happen.”

“I need to call her,” he said, then realization hit him again. “Ugh, fuck, I can’t even call her. Does she know about this?” He looked panicked.

“I don’t think so. I haven’t been able to ask her because he showed up before you guys even got home.”

“Have you heard from her?”

I shook my head. “When did this start, Austin? And what are you guys . . . like, are you just sleeping together? This could ruin her marriage,” I reminded him. I was trying so hard not to judge them, but man was it hard, especially without any context.

I wanted the best for them both and couldn’t wrap my head around them having an affair.

“It’s not like that—no, it is, but we aren’t sleeping together.” His voice was strained and he was on the verge of tears. “We haven’t slept together, honest to god, but Kare, my feelings for Elodie are so much more than that, more than some girl to fool around with. I love her.” He sat down, slumping in defeat.

I sat there for a moment, letting his confession sink in. How had I been so blind? I was around them all the time. Maybe I was so consumed with Kael that I hadn’t even realized my brother and my best friend were falling in love?

“Does she love you?” I asked him, knowing the answer, but wanting to see how he’d react to my question.

He nodded. “I know she does. And now she’s trapped in your house with a man she barely knows. How can I protect her, Kare? I don’t trust him. This is making me crazy. To hell with what anyone thinks, she’s not safe with him.”

Him—being her husband.

“Austin, how did this . . . How did you guys . . .” I didn’t know how to ask, but needed some sort of understanding.

“I don’t know when it started, I think the moment I met her. I ignored it at first, that feeling that kept popping up when I saw her, the way I couldn’t stop staring at her when she moved her hair out of her face, the way her laugh made me feel like life made some sense. The more time I spent with her, the more I needed her. I tried to stop it, Kare, I really fucking did, but it was impossible.”

“Austin.” I leaned over to touch his shoulder.

“I know, it’s fucked up. She’s married and I’m not in the place to take care of her and the baby, but I really love her, Kare, and will do anything for her.”

The situation was so mixed up, messy, but somehow, I believed my brother’s words and could feel his fear and care for Elodie. It wasn’t possession—it was genuine. I had never witnessed Austin caring about another person with this depth before. I wanted to jump in the car and go to my house to check on her. Instead, I texted her and stared at my phone, waiting for those little bubbles to show up.

Nothing.

Thirty minutes. That was how long I’d wait before going home. It was my house, after all. Austin’s knee shook; his leg never stopped moving for the entire half hour. We mostly sat in silence, staring at the phone. And when my eyes weren’t glued to the screen, I spent the time looking around Kael’s mostly bare living room, memorizing every detail. It was styled in a minimal and thoughtful way. There were coffee table books, all about home design and décor; their covers and spines were all the same brown-and-beige color scheme. The low, grayish wooden table was decorated with an abstract vase with no flowers in it and a bare light-gray, almost white tree branch laid on its side. I touched it to see if it was real and it was. The walls were mostly empty; only one painting hung between the kitchen and living room. At first glance it looked like someone had simply painted a white canvas brown, but the closer I got, the more detail I noticed. It was textured, the same dark brown, but the paint was thick and had brushstrokes all over, in all different sizes and going in different directions. Simple, yet defined and complicated. That seemed to be the theme around here.

Finally Kael came out, shirtless and wearing baggy sweatpants, with a deep-purple mark under his collarbone. I flushed, wondering if my brother would notice. Kael took one look at the two of us and immediately noticed our distress.

“What happened?” He moved toward me like he was being yanked by a string, quickly but not as smoothly as his usual movements.

“We’re waiting five more minutes before we go to my house and check on Elodie,” I explained.

“You’re not going alone,” Kael stated, with no room to argue. “And you—” He pointed at Austin. “You’re staying here. If I were you, I’d keep my distance until we assess the situation and find out what he knows, and see what kind of headspace Phillips is in.”

Austin immediately protested. “I am not staying here, Martin. I can’t.”

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