Page 62 of The Infinite Light of Dust

“Is that his choice or yours? Dennis!” My mom shouted for my father.

He stepped onto the porch with lighting speed, rushing down the stairs, his finger pointing directly in my mother’s face.

“What are you doing at my house, yelling at my wife?” He was only inches away from her. Given the past, my instinct was to protect my fragile mother, but in the moment, she didn’t seem fragile at all.

I stood still, my world becoming more and more confusing by the second.

“We never finished chatting the other day. You said you would call me, but you didn’t,” my mother said to him.

A look of disbelief flashed across his face. “So you thought the appropriate response would be to show up at my home, again? I was very clear last time, and I’ll say it again. I don’t have anything for you.”

“Dennis, if we can just talk alone.” My mother was practically begging. What on earth could she possibly want from him? She hated him, or at least I thought she did. Was it money? A place to stay?

“I don’t have anything to say to you that I haven’t already said. You should explain yourself to your daughter, who looks as if she’s seen a ghost. She should be your priority right now.” Disgust echoed in his voice.

She looked at me, her expression unreadable. She seemed to be looking for some sort of escape, but I wouldn’t allow that. If she tried to leave, I would chase her, like I hadn’t been able to the first time.

“Mom . . .”

“We will be inside,” my dad said before my mom could respond. Estelle crossed her arms at her chest.

“I don’t think we should—” she began, but was interrupted by my mom.

“She’s my daughter. Give us privacy,” my mom snapped.

Clearly she had a major issue with my father’s new wife, even though my mom was the one who’d left him in the first place. I didn’t even know when she and Estelle had met, but it was clear they had.

Estelle’s worried expression stayed in my head as she went inside the house, leaving me on the porch with my mother. My heart was racing; I had so much to say to her. I had so many questions.

“This is probably a shock to you, seeing me like this. I had no idea you would be here, or that you’re even on speaking terms with your father. And I didn’t realize you were so close with Estelle.”

“I’m not close with her.”

Anger bloomed inside of my chest as I realized that her focus was on Estelle and me having a relationship with my dad, not that she missed me or was happy to see me. She hadn’t even hugged me yet.

“That’s what you have to say to me after all this time?” I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

She shook her head and took a step closer. I inched back without intending to, but I was shifting into fight-or-flight mode, completely on edge.

“I have so much to say to you, Kare. I have been so busy, on a journey to find myself and who I am. Without being your father’s wife or a mother.” She smiled as if what she was saying was the best news on earth and not devastating for me to hear. I was too stunned to speak. “After I left, I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts. And you know what I realized? I was never meant to be a mother. Being a military wife, an officer’s at that, was not for me. I spent my entire life living for you guys and not for myself. I was a shell of a woman, miserable, and had no sense of self. But now, Kare, I know exactly who I am, and it’s wonderful.” She was beaming, a bigger smile than I could ever recall seeing on her face.

“Wonderful?” I choked out.

She nodded as the air left my lungs. Was I supposed to be proud of her and her fucking self-discovery, which made her feel like what she’d done was right? Was it right? It seemed like it’d been the best for her, but what about me and Austin?

“Yes. I hope you have this feeling someday, Kare. Of just complete peace.” She spun around at the bottom of the porch, her tunic rising up and dancing around her.

“Mom,” I began.

“Please, call me Michelle,” she corrected me. If heartbreak had a sound, the entire neighborhood would have heard mine.

There were no words for the pain searing through me. Shock, torment, rejection, envy of her carelessness—it was too much. I could taste the vinegar-like bile in the back of my throat. I swallowed it down, squared my shoulders, and tried my damnedest not to collapse in front of her.

“You’re totally fine with the fact that you abandoned your family without so much as a phone call or even a letter, only to come back here now and have the audacity to tell me how great your life is now that I’m not in it?”

She scoffed. Literally fucking scoffed at me, like I was the one in the wrong here.

“You sound like your father.” She half laughed.

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