Page 4 of The Infinite Light of Dust

Kael said the same to Phillips and gently pushed Austin’s back, forcing him to follow us out onto the porch. The three of us were silent as we made our way down the grass. Kael opened the passenger door for me, and there was a lurching sound followed by the splash of liquid on the concrete. I looked back to see my brother hunched over, vomiting on the street. Kael patted my brother’s back, and he was saying something that I couldn’t hear.

Kael must have felt so conflicted between his best friend and my brother. We were all in the middle of a spiderweb and there was no way for all of it to fall into place peacefully. Someone was bound to get bitten.

“Breathe . . . try to breathe.” Kael continued to rub his hand across my brother’s back.

“This is so fucked up,” Austin mumbled, his voice broken as he wiped his sleeve across his chin.

I wondered if he was going to elaborate, but it wasn’t the time to push him. Not yet.

After Austin was done being sick, we drove with only the loud rumble of Kael’s truck. I hadn’t even brushed my teeth, and it was late in the morning. Austin was staring out the window in a void, his lids heavy, his head slumped. It didn’t feel right to start grilling my brother about Elodie right now, but we also had to warn him that people knew about the two of them, and now that Phillips was back things were even more complicated. My head ached and I only realized I was crying when Kael reached over and wiped my cheek. I wasn’t sure if it was for my brother, or because of the stress of all of it, or for my best friend, who didn’t seem to recognize her own husband.

Chapter Three

Kael

Damn it all to hell. The list of problems and potential solutions ran through my head as we drove to my place. My hands were going numb because of how hard I was gripping the steering wheel. There were a whole lot more problems than solutions coming to mind. How the fuck had Phillips gotten home when he still had months of deployment left? The possible answers to that were all but good. Something was fucking up; not only did he look like a shell of the man I knew and there was no way he would have flown home without telling me, but how did he know where Karina lived?

I rolled my neck, trying to release some of the tension. I looked into the rearview mirror at Fischer, who was a sickly shade of green, and then to Karina at my side. My instincts told me that their father was involved somehow. I had no reason necessarily to come to that conclusion, but I simply knew it. He was too involved in every problem in our lives, from covering up innocent deaths in Afghanistan to trying to break Karina and me apart; why would this time be any different?

Karina sniffled next to me, and I could feel her anxiety rippling off her in waves. It was so strong that it was hard to focus while driving. She was shockingly quiet until we pulled onto my street. She hadn’t been to my duplex before and this was not the way I wanted to show it to her, but I had to get them out of that house before Karina let something slip out of nervousness or Fischer lost his shit. I could see it on his face—if Phillips touched Elodie again, he would snap. I knew that look too well.

I pulled into the driveway and Karina looked over at me. “This is your house?” She looked forward. The yard was neat, recently mowed, but there were materials scattered at the front of the house. Wooden planks, metal fasteners, a bucket of paint that had to be dried out by now, hammers, a drill—everything needed for all the DIY I had going on lately.

“Yeah. I wanted to show you it when it was done, but here we are.” I shrugged, feeling oddly nervous for her to see it in such an undone state.

“Here we are,” she repeated, her voice tight. I wanted to hug her; I could only imagine how much tension she was holding right now, even though not one bit of it was her fault, and this was how she was spending her birthday. What a fucking mess.

I reached up and grazed her cheek again; this time it was slightly more dry. She closed her eyes and leaned into my palm. Her skin was cold even though the heat was on in the truck.

“Let’s go inside,” I said.

Fischer climbed out of the back without making a peep and Karina watched her brother closely as we walked to the front door.

“Do you think they’re okay?” she asked as I typed the passcode into my automatic lock. She examined it like she had never seen one before, and if we weren’t in the middle of such a fucked-up situation, I would tell her I could install one at her house, too, so she doesn’t have to worry about losing her keys or getting locked out.

“Yeah. They’ll be fine. It will take a little while to get used to each other.” I tried to keep my voice as steady as possible. I didn’t know for sure if I was lying or not, but it felt like I was.

“Elodie seemed so . . . uneasy, scared?” Karina said as I flicked the living room and porch lights on.

Fischer pushed past us and went to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him, and the violent sounds of him puking made Karina shudder.

“Austin—” She followed the path her brother had taken, stepping over boards and boxes, and opened the bathroom door down the hall. This was far from how I had envisioned showing her the work I had put into this place. As soon as she closed the door behind her, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Mendoza. He answered on the second ring.

He picked up with a casual “Yo.”

“Phillips is back,” I told him, walking to the kitchen area and the back door.

“Huh?”

“Phillips. He showed up at Karina’s house this morning.” I kept my voice as low as I could, but Mendoza didn’t do the same.

“What the fuck you mean he showed up at Karina’s house?” I heard the familiar screen door creak open followed by the noise of a car honking, letting me know he had stepped outside, away from the kids.

“What I said, he showed up here in his ACUs, fresh off the goddamn plane, looking for his wife.”

“Fuuuuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Did he see the picture? Does he know about Fischer and her?”

I wanted to slam my fist through the screen door and feel the aluminum mesh cut through the flesh on my hand.

---