Page 19 of The Infinite Light of Dust

“She has her house here and her dad—even though she hates him. It’s complicated. I think she’s afraid of depending on me.” I surprised myself with my honesty.

“But you’re the most dependable motherfucker in the world.”

I shook my head. “I haven’t been to her.”

As I watched her hold her cup as Gloria poured vodka into it, I allowed myself to wonder what life would be like if Karina and I got married, if she didn’t have so many ties to this place, and if I wasn’t so desperate to cut mine with it.

The sun had gone down and a few of the younger privates had gone, leaving a smaller group of us. Only Toni, her husband, Tharpe, Lawson, Mendoza, Gloria, Elodie, and Fischer were left. We were all sitting around the firepit; Karina was on my lap now, sitting sideways with her legs dangling. Her shoes were off but the high sock things she was wearing were keeping her legs warm. She was relaxed, drunk, and definitely giggly. She wrapped her arms around my neck. Her public displays of affection were surprising and welcomed.

Mendoza was offering shots again, and Karina accepted. “You’ve been drinking vodka, if you mix your liquor, you’re going to get sick, baby,” I told her quietly, knowing there was about a 10 percent chance she would listen to me.

“Baby?” She winked at me. I laughed at her and she kissed my cheek. “Baby sounds nice. How about you take it for me, then, and I’ll drink vodka?”

“I have to drive.”

“Give it to me.” Tharpe reached for the bottle and Karina went to hand it to him but stopped right before he could reach it.

“You can at least ask nicely,” she said.

He looked at me, then Karina, clearly pissed at being called out.

“Yeah, don’t be a dick.” Gloria backed Karina up.

Tharpe seemed to be deciding if he wanted to go up against the two of them, but after one look back at me, he simply smiled and rephrased his sentence.

“Can I have it, please?” The words were pulled out of him, but Karina smiled happily and handed the bottle to him.

Toni started talking about some upcoming FRG meeting and how much planning she had to do. Elodie offered to help her, and I zoned out as they talked about tablecloths and Mendoza and Fischer talked about some football game that I couldn’t give a fuck about.

I buried my head in Karina’s neck. This was the first time I had ever been publicly affectionate with a woman in front of my guys.

“Wanna go soon?” I asked her, gently placing a kiss on her neck. She nodded.

“Definitely. Five minutes?” she asked, and I nodded.

The conversation moved around us, and Karina teased me, softly running her fingertips over my neck and adjusting her body on my lap enough to make me hard.

“If you don’t stop, I’ll take you to my truck right now and we won’t make it home,” I said against her ear.

She shivered and lifted her shoulder to her ear, cheeks beyond flushed, glowing in the light of the fire.

“Sounds good to me.” She rocked her ass against me again and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“We’re leav—” I began to announce as someone walked out of the back door, heading toward us. I immediately recognized Phillips’s physique.

“My invite must have gotten lost in the mail.”

Everyone’s reactions rippled, Elodie and Fischer moved identically, both stiffening. Karina took the longest to realize who was there, and once she did, she turned her body to face him but stayed on my lap. The entire group’s energy changed.

“Yo, glad you came.” Mendoza stood up to hug him, being the first to break the ice.

“Really? Since I wasn’t invited, I didn’t think you’d be glad to see me.” Phillips’s voice was off. He was impaired.

“It was a last-minute thing, not a big deal,” Mendoza said, pointing to an empty chair a few feet away from me and Karina. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her even closer. No way in hell were we leaving now.

“How’s it going? It’s been a while.” Tharpe patted Phillips’s back as he passed.

“Been better. But still breathing,” he replied, his eyes on Elodie.

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