Page 56 of The Infinite Light of Dust

“I need to get up,” I told Estelle after finishing the broth. “I can’t just lie here anymore. I need to shower and . . . I don’t know, but I need to do something.”

She didn’t try to persuade me; she grabbed the tray and moved it, then pulled the covers off me and turned the light all the way up. My bones ached as I stood up, and my head was tender from Phillips’s grip on my hair. I patted the spot to see if he had ripped any out, but it didn’t feel like he had.

When I got out of the shower, there were brand-new clothes waiting on the bed for me: cotton pants and a thick sweater, both pale green and as soft as fur. Estelle ignored no detail, so there were also panties and a bralette tucked under the outfit, even a pair of new socks to match. I brushed my hair into a tight bun at the nape of my neck and pinched some temporary color back into my cheeks before I made my way downstairs.

My father was sitting at the table, his phone to his ear.

“You have two hours to find him. Whoever finds him first will be heavily rewarded and whoever doesn’t will be equally punished,” he threatened.

I knew who he was talking about, so there was no need to ask.

“You’re up,” he stated, looking me up and down from head to toe.

“I’m up,” I repeated.

“We’re going to find him. I have my best scouts looking for him. He won’t touch you, any of you, again,” he promised.

“Thanks.” I didn’t have the energy to grill my dad over his involvement or why he would bother helping any of us.

“I never meant for this to happen, Kare. If I’d known how unstable he was, I would have never requested orders to bring him back.”

I didn’t think my heart could sink any lower, but it did. I should have expected my father to somehow be tied to this tragedy.

I gripped the back of the dining room chair to keep me upright.

“What do you mean? You brought him back?”

“I did not know about your brother and Elodie’s involvement. I thought I was doing the right thing, but evidently, I couldn’t have been more wrong. I never imagined this would be the outcome.”

Something in my father’s tone made me believe him, for once.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to see to it that Mendoza gets the top care this post can offer, and if that’s not enough, I’ll send him up to Walter Reed in Maryland,” my dad promised.

Maybe it was the concoction that Estelle had given me or my desperation for something good to happen, but I chose to believe him and find comfort in the fact that he was finally going to use his power for good.

“Your brother will also be fine, and Elodie can file for an emergency divorce, given the circumstances. Her parents are arriving any minute, I sent a driver to pick them up from the airport.”

“Why are you doing all this?” I asked. I didn’t want to get involved in a trade-off with my father, him doing something good and expecting something from me or Kael, or any of us.

My father pressed his palms gently on the table. “I never wanted to be the villain in your story, Karina. I know I have done many, many wrongs in my life, to you and to my soldiers, but while I have time, I want to spend it doing the best I can. I always put my job before you, before myself, and I can see that has had the worst impact on our family.”

“I’m sorry, but this is very sudden. Are you dying or something?” I meant it as a joke, but as the words fell between us, my dad’s face changed—his eyes dropped and his jaw ticked.

Oh my god.

What the fuck.

“Dad.” I could barely speak. “You’re—”

“I figured he would tell you. I thought it would be better coming from Martin than me.”

The room began to spin. I sat down in the chair in front of me, farthest from my dad’s seat at the head of the table.

“Martin—I mean Kael—knows?”

My father’s cold military expression was nowhere to be found. “Only recently. He likely hasn’t had the chance to tell you what with everything that’s happened. I’m sure I was at the bottom of the priority list.”

I didn’t have a damn clue what to say or how to process what I was being told. I focused my attention on the centerpiece on the table. Fall-colored ornaments surrounded a woven cornucopia with little pumpkins.

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