Page 57 of The Blood Queen

I’d become a monstrosity, no different from the other abominations Barend created. Grayson would have no choice but to kill me. He’d force himself to do it, find the strength. See the mercy in ending the torture. He would do it himself… because he was a dread lord. My mate. He would do it with love, trust no one else. And he would forever hate himself for doing it. Find no redemption, and that was the greatest reason of all to syphon until either Ago or I became… nothing. I’d spare Grayson the pain. Because I would not become some fucking hybrid that my mate had to kill.

I’d burn both the vampire and myself before I let that happen.

Hatred drove me. A numb determination to end this. End Ago. Take as many hybrids with me as fate allowed.

My fingers heated as I pulled energy from the ground and sent it flying toward Ago. The snarl in my throat ached, but I wanted him to burn. The way Julien had burned. A torch in the night.

But I summoned… sparks that disappeared in the snow at his feet.

Ago’s smirk felt like a slap to the face. “They say you burned yourself out. Makes it easier for me.”

My hands shook. “Come closer and find out.”

“I won’t have to touch you. You’ll be begging me to make it stop.”

Make his hybrids stop ripping, chewing…

My fingertips trembled, but I hadn’t tried to use my syphoning ability in Westvale, not even with Leo or Oscar. All I’d managed was a tingly rush, moments ago, when I’d pushed through the club, and the spark I’d sent toward the boy selling drugged brownies.

I wasn’t counting whatever incident Anson’s best healer used to justify tying me down in a hospital bed. For all anyone knew, he set the sheets on fire for the excuse.

And for all I knew, this was Ago spreading vampire bullshit to disarm me. It might be burnout, or Anson’s wards, or the freezing cold that made it difficult to syphon. A thousand reasons I’d never even think about. If I mentally stunted myself, I’d block the ability. If I was afraid—out of guilt—to actually syphon, that would explain the sputter more than Carmag’s screwed up magic. Hadn’t Laura reminded me? I hurt people every time I tried to help. I might have a psychological block, a dark, shaming fear that nulled my own abilities.

The jarring clang behind me had to be a pipe falling on cement, but I still flinched. My teeth clattered. A shattering sob surged to the surface. Grayson. We’d come so close. Held the fleeting dream through those moments making snow angels. His laugh, warming that space in my heart. The hope in his eyes. I’d given his wolf my sigil, swore to protect him and everything that went with it.

The pain ripping at my heart was enough to buckle my knees. So soon… so little time. I’d dared to hope in a future for us when all this ended.

Chest aching, I realized it was ending now.

Ending as I ran along a snowy path. But at least he’d have our memories. I’d be gone, and he would grieve.

This was a better end for us, a clean, sharp end with a wound that would eventually heal. Not the slow haunted despair in seeing what I’d become if Ago got his way.

“How much longer, bitch?”

The singsong cadence in Ago’s voice changed nothing. My fear didn’t lessen or increase. My heart pounded just as fucking hard while the air rasped in my throat.

I kept running while defeat pushed hard. Where was I going? What would I do when I got there? Find some house, slam the door so the vampire remained outside? And then what?

Then fucking what?

“You made the bargain with Barend. He still intends to collect.”

The bargain. Barend would think that way—my friends were free, and I owed him.

My arms pumped. My feet slapped against the pavement. The coat was constricting, and sweat coated my body, pooling along my spine.

“Barend can go to hell,” I growled. Sounding wolf-like. Sounding like Grayson.

Ago disappeared, reappeared yards in front of me, lunging as I pivoted toward the river. “Hell is a human concept,” he taunted. “Created in the mind.”

I heaved in a breath. Conversations while running—stupid, Noa. That was why he kept talking, goading me into each response.

The hybrids howled but kept back, relentless enough that I increased the pace. My leg muscles burned. Ago became a black smear. Then he was leaning against a lamppost, arms crossed. He shook his head in disgust. “You’re slowing down.”

Because I had nothing left. Just the deadening anger that cramped in my veins. And the truth, that if I stopped, then everything I loved would just… stop.

My vision narrowed. Outrunning a vampire was impossible, but as I stared toward the river, a fleeting idea rose to the surface.

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