Page 17 of Awakening the Dhampir

“This was all they were feeding her?” Nathan growled.

The answer was obvious, so I didn’t reply. “I can’t detect any of her blood in here. If we torch the bed, there’ll be nothing left to tie to her.”

Nathan nodded. “Make it happen. As soon as we empty the office next door, I want to be ready to burn it all down and leave.”

We needed to get Lorna back to New Orleans as quickly as possible. I suspected she wouldn’t be joining Nathan and me in his private jet tonight. She needed time away from any temptations, which meant I had to avoid her. The anger over being unable to support my mate rushed back. I ripped the canvas from the small bed, then tore the metal frame from the floor. It did nothing to soothe my rage.

“I’m taking the gasoline to douse the building,” I growled. “Let me know when you’re out, and I’ll set it ablaze.”

Chapter 7

Lorna

Ibarely registered the strong arms cradling me against a hard chest. I didn’t—couldn’t—acknowledge what I’d just done. No matter what anyone else said, my dhampir and I were one. Her actions were my actions. Just because she didn’t feel guilt over what just happened didn’t mean I wasn’t carrying enough for both of us.

I couldn’t really even blame her. I’d let her take control. When I gave in to my hunger and awakened my dhampir’s magic, I just let her go. It was no different than letting Mallory deal with my social interactions or giving Gale full reign in a fight. Okay, maybe it was a little different, but my dhampir had done what she thought was necessary to set us free.

Jared’s death was inevitable. Even Conrad’s death was somewhat acceptable. It was the others that I couldn’t justify. They hadn’t done anything to me. They may not have even known what I was until I revealed myself. They didn’t deserve to die.

My dhampir disagreed.

I came back to the present when Elliott lowered me to my feet. I couldn’t meet his eyes. Couldn’t face his judgment. He was right to keep his distance from me before. He was right to doubt my ability to control the monster lurking inside me.

His story about his wolf felt a little too close to home, though. Did he really understand the dynamic between me and my dhampir? Was his wolf also semi-independent with its own thoughts and personality?

“I don’t want to rush you,” Elliott said, his large hands gripping my shoulders. “But we need to get you cleaned up and into some fresh clothes.”

I glanced around and found us standing in the middle of a large shower. Shiny tiles covered the walls and reflected the low light. I would’ve thought it pretty, but my brain wasn’t really processing my surroundings.

Elliott reached behind him, and a soft spray of water hit his back a few seconds later, quickly soaking his T-shirt.

“Do you need help?” he asked. “Normally, we’d do this naked, but I don’t think you’re ready for all my hotness.”

My eyes snapped up to find him smirking at me. I searched his face, expecting to see judgment or disgust, but there was none. His mischievous glint barely covered a deep sadness.

“Why are you helping me?” I asked, tamping down on the surge of hope in my chest.

Elliott’s smile vanished. He gripped my shoulders, and I allowed him to shuffle around me, so I was the one under the warm spray of water. He reached for a bottle of shampoo and squirted a generous amount into his large palm. Before I had time to register what he was doing, his strong fingers began massaging my scalp.

I closed my eyes and dropped my forehead against his chest. He hadn’t answered my question, at least not with words. His actions said way more. For reasons only he understood, he thought I deserved this tenderness from him.

No one had ever washed my hair for me except my mother. She quit doing it when I was seven or eight years old, and I’d demonstrated I could do it myself without getting soap in my eyes.

The way Elliott gently tugged at my filthy strands and ran his fingers across my scalp was completely different. This was intimate and thoughtful and a show of acceptance I couldn’t possibly be worthy of. Did I stop him? Nope. I needed this.

Tipping my head back, Elliott began rinsing out the shampoo and continuing the massage. I kept my eyes closed, not just to avoid the water sluicing across my face. I didn’t want to see the blood streaming off the filthy clothes I’d worn for the last three weeks. Clothes that now clung to me, making my skin crawl. As more water mixed with the blood coating every part of me, I could no longer stand to have them touching me.

I grabbed the neck of my ragged T-shirt and ripped it down the front, then let the torn fabric slide off my shoulders. Elliott’s hands disappeared from my hair, but I didn’t look at him. I had to get rid of the evidence. The blood of a dozen vampires soaked into my skin and burned my soul. While I knew I could wash it off the surface, I couldn’t cleanse it from my heart or mind.

I peeled my wet jeans from my legs and froze. Swirls of red and pink lazily made their way to the shower’s drain. My arms shook, and my knees threatened to give out. My heart pounded in my chest as the swirls morphed into the faces of the vampires I’d killed.

Tears burned hot in my eyes, and a sob tore free from my throat. I’d killed them without concern for who they were. Did I steal someone’s mother or father? Brother or sister? Of course I did! And I hadn’t cared.

My knees gave out. Before I hit the tiled floor, Elliott’s strong arms wrapped around me, holding me tight against his soaked shirt. He had to notice I was only in a bra and panties, but he never said a word. I let him take my pain, clinging to him like he was my lifeline in the sea of tears pouring from my heart.

I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t accept what I’d done. I couldn’t live with the guilt. I didn’t even know if I could find a place in my mind to make it right. There was no justification for my actions. None. I couldn’t just lock it away in the box with my kittens and the man who attacked me in Baltimore. There wasn’t enough room.

“I’ve got you,” Elliott whispered. “And we’ll help you get through this. Don’t think you’re alone, ’cuz you’re not.”

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