Page 32 of Concerto of Crows and Cowards

Reality came crashing back as her gut-wrenching cries broke through the fog surrounding his brain. She crumpled to the floor and curled up in a ball, and her body shook with tremors. To see a woman so strong break down was almost more than he could bear, and he went to her, gathering her in his arms and rocking her back and forth like a child.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” he whispered through her sobs. “I’m sorry.” He waited until she was quiet in his arms. Until only the occasional tremor shook her body. “I won’t ask you if you’re sure, even though I didn’t see any reports on it after your miscarriage.”

She tried to move away from him, but he just shifted their positions so she sat cradled in his lap.

She turned her head away from him when she answered. “I had the doctor leave it out of the written report so I could go back on duty. The damage was too severe, they said. The bleeding too bad. So they had no choice but to give me a hysterectomy or I would have bled to death.”

Max let out a slow breath and held her tighter. “I wish you would have told me. You didn’t have to go through that alone.”

“Maybe I just wanted to delay the inevitable,” she said. “I couldn’t tell you. At first because I was ashamed of the way I broke down when you told me about Donovan. I’d never lost control like that before.” She sucked in a shuddering breath. “And then I lost—I lost the baby, and it was my fault because I lost control.”

“No—” His heart ached for her, but she had to know she was wrong. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened. It’s just as easy to blame myself for the way I told you. But it wasn’t anyone’s fault, my love.”

“Then time started passing and every day it seemed like that day faded a little bit more in my memories, but I still hurt so bad. The grief was overwhelming, suffocating my soul. I kept thinking I could have gotten past the grief if the baby had survived. But I was all alone and there was nothing left of my family.”

“Oh, baby,” he whispered, and she could feel his tears on her face.

She couldn’t seem to stop talking now that she’d started. “And then you were there and I started seeing you as something I never had before. I wanted you too bad to tell you the truth, and at the same time I felt guilty for having feelings like that at all.”

Her voice seemed to steady as she explained. “You were right. I think I thought you’d be safe. That you could satisfy my body but not touch my heart because I didn’t believe I’d ever be able to love again. And I didn’t think that you could ever love me. I’ve watched the women go in and out of your life over the years, and I thought I could be one of them, and that you’d make me feel something again. I was devastated and embarrassed when you rejected me. But I’d had a taste of you, and it was all I could think about—dream about.

“We’d already had years of friendship and connection. And that first time we made love—” She hesitated, her breath hitching. “I realized that I was lying to myself and I loved you more than I thought I would ever be capable of loving again.”

“Jade—” He kissed her brow and pulled her closer. “I loved you when you belonged to someone else, and I love you even more now that you’re mine. And there will be no more women in and out of my life. In fact, there hasn’t been any woman but you in my bed since you walked out of my kitchen. I knew after one taste that you were it for me.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” she said. “You deserve so much more than what I can give you, Max. You deserve to have a woman who’s whole, so you can get down on your knees and ask her to spend her life with you. To have children with you.”

“You’re going to piss me off, love,” he said, rubbing his thumb along her bottom lip. “Do you think you telling me you can’t have children is going to make me stop loving you? Let me ask you something,” he said before she could answer. “When you were stuck inside that orphanage, did you dream of a couple like us coming in to take you home? Do you think there’s not someone exactly like you waiting for us right now? Or that there won’t be two or five or ten years from now? You make me whole, Jade. Just you. Not anything else. As long as I have you then everything else will happen as it should.”

“You make it sound so simple.” She scrubbed her hands over her face, wiping away the tears.

“Because it is simple,” he said. “Marry me. Love me. And let me love you back. Nothing else matters.”

“Your family might have something to say about that,” she said with a bitter laugh. “You can trace the Devlin name practically to the dawn of time. You have a legacy, Max. Something you can only pass down to a biological child. Why would you deny yourself that?”

“I can just as easily pass it to a child who needs a good home,” he said with a shrug. “They’re just things, Jade. It’s just a name. It pales in comparison to spending the rest of my life without you.”

Her arms wrapped around him and she buried her face against his chest. “I love you so much,” she whispered.

“That’s a step in the right direction for sure. I’m not on my knees, but I’m pretty close,” he said, lifting her face once more and seeing the hope in her eyes. “Marry me, Jade. Spend your life with me. Love me.”

“I love you more than you know,” she said. “Always.”

Epilogue

Two Months Later…

The bride was beautiful. It was all Max could think as he watched her walk down the aisle, the white gown showing off the glow of her skin and the radiance in her eyes.

The wedding was held at his ranch, under a canopy of trees burnished red and orange and gold as summer finally gave way to fall. Nate stood as his best man. And then Atticus, Cal and Gabe Brennan, who’d come in from London for the occasion, stood next to Nate. Max looked out at those witnessing their special day with pride. All the family he needed was here to watch him take Jade as his wife.

The smile she gave him as she met him at the end of the aisle had his heart swelling in his chest. Love shone across her whole face and there was a joy inside her he hadn’t seen in a long time. She took his outstretched hand, and it was easy to see their future in her eyes as they promised to love and cherish for a lifetime.

And at the end of the ceremony, Max closed his eyes and said a small prayer, thanking Donovan for being there to love her first. To love her how she deserved. And then he thanked him for giving Max the gift of being able to love her too.

Gabe Brennan is mentioned several times in the Dynamis Security Series as one of the original team members, also known as Ghost. Check out his story in The Lies We Tell. Now available at all retailers!

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