Page 70 of One Lucky Cowboy

She regarded him from under lashes thick with desire. “You really love him, don’t you? I mean, it was that quick?”

“I do, and it was. I mean, as hard as it was to imagine life with a kid, I can’t imagine life without him now.”

Jill understood that on a visceral level. Jax—or the idea of a man like him sneaking past the defenses in her heart—was an impossibility a month ago. Now look at her.

“The worst part is, I hardly know the kid and he’s already more than halfway to becoming a man.” Jax sighed out what fifteen years of loss must feel like.

“I couldn’t imagine just finding out. Are you okay? I mean, that she never told you she was pregnant?”

Jax gestured to the sandy beach beneath them. “Mind if we sit?”

“You have the time?”

“I have a few minutes. And I’d like to chat about this if you don’t mind hearing it. I think I need to get it off my chest before I head to Austin.”

“I don’t mind listening.” That was the problem. She wanted everything to do with him, including his hands on her that didn’t leave, even as they sat. He wrapped her fingers in his and tucked his other arm around her shoulders, drawing her near.

“To answer your question, I’m relieved I met him at all, and that’s the overwhelming feeling, I guess. Gratitude. For a guy who didn’t want the family life, I guess I was shocked at how damn bad I wanted him from the moment I met him. And that’s all I’ll ever let him know, my family, too. My hang-ups are mine alone. He shouldn’t have to carry those, too.”

Jill leaned against his shoulder and breathed him in. In for a penny. That he trusted her enough to share how he felt when he wasn’t going to share the same with his family meant the world to her. That Jax loved his son enough not to burden him with his own guilt would mean the world to Ren.

Good grief, this man knew just how to tiptoe past her defenses, didn’t he?

“But holy Christ was I pissed when I went home that night. I mean, how could she keep me from him all that time? I missed everything, Jill. Every milestone, every time he fell and scraped a knee, every time he wondered why his dad wasn’t there to pick him up—”

Jax choked back a sob, and her heart clenched in her chest. She rubbed the soft skin between his thumb and forefinger and brought their hands to her mouth to kiss his.

“Jill,” he said, clearing his throat. “I—”

“I know. We can’t right now. And I respect that much more than when I thought you were running off to join the rodeo at almost thirty-three years old.”

He laughed and kissed the top of her head, the promise of what might have happened between them if—always if—life hadn’t gotten in the way.

But she’d never trade anything headed Jax’s way for more time with him. Family was the most important thing.

“That’s partly true. But it’s not everything I was gonna say.”

She sat up so she could see him.

He gazed down into her eyes and his—creek-bottom green and so damn sexy—looked happy. “I’m crushed this new development changed what was possible between us, but it didn’t change how I feel about you.”

It didn’t? But—

This was the first time he’d mentioned feelings other than those required to do business together since they’d agreed nothing could happen between them. Her heart thumped loud enough to be heard over the gentle roar of the creek.

“How is that?”

“Well, I love my son already. I wouldn’t change having him in my life, but—”

“But?” she asked, hope tracing the word.

“I really like you,” he said matter-of-factly. He scooched a bit closer.

“I like being around you.” His hand slid down her arm and rested on her hip. The other cupped her cheek. “I like watching you squirm when I make you mad.”

She giggled, then bit her bottom lip when he traced the outline of her lips with the tip of his thumb.

“I like kissing you.” He dipped his chin and brushed his lips over hers. It was soft and sweet, a flower petal compared to the flame of their last creek-side embrace. But somehow it meant more, burned hotter inside her veins.

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