Page 94 of Lock 'em Down

The pride I felt watching her connect with my teammates, the genuine joy of her clicking with Piper, the delight I felt when my friends told me she’s the one. Did I read it wrong? Did they lie?

How could she do this to me again? And how could I not properly see the signs?

Am I that desperate for what my parents have? For what Chris and Hudson have found with Casey and Piper? For what my brothers have discovered with their women?

I’m still carrying around Cami’s engagement ring but now, instead of a source of hope, it’s a reminder of my own delusions. She never wanted to be my wife. She never wanted what I yearned for.

I’m the fool who thought I could change her mind.

Since I returned to Knoxville, Cami’s sent me text messages and voice notes. I’ve sent her calls to voicemail. I’m not ready to face her. I’m sure she wants to arrange a time to come and move the rest of her belongings out of our house. She grabbed a bunch of her clothes, but not all.

And when that day comes, the loneliness will hit harder. Weigh heavier. I’m not ready to face it and as a result, I’m ignoring her along with everyone else.

I spend the day playing video games. Since I’m ignoring reality, Jensen and Bailey make it a point to connect with me through Realm Crusaders and I spent hours gaming with @PhantomKnight and @EmpressHollywood.

After they sign off, I follow suit and force myself to eat dinner. To shower. To meander around my house wondering how I’m going to face my family and team. What do I even say?

I left my lawyer a voicemail but ignored him when he called back. I’m not ready to give up. And the worst part is, it’s because I love her. I want Cami. I miss her so fucking much.

I’d rather fail at every other aspect of my life than give up on us. Not because I can’t admit defeat but because my life doesn’t make sense without her. I don’t care about proving a point as much as I want to just love on my wife.

My phone rings and I silence it when I note Hudson’s name.

A minute later, a text comes through.

Hudson: Pick up your phone.

Hudson: I’m not joking.

Hudson: I’ll keep calling.

Hudson: And texting.

Hudson: And?—

I dial him.

“I knew I’d get through eventually,” he answers.

“You’re annoying as fuck. I don’t know how Piper puts up with you.”

Hudson laughs. “Good. You’re making jokes.”

I sigh and take a seat on the couch. Leaning back, I stare at the ceiling.

“How are you, man?” Hudson asks.

“Terrible,” I admit, pathetically. “I miss her. I miss her so damn much and I fucking hate that I’m this gutted about something I knew from the start.”

“You didn’t know this from the jump. I saw Cami with you in Honey Harbor. She loves you, man.”

“Or she’s a fantastic actress,” I counter. I should ask Bailey.

“You can’t fake love,” Hudson disagrees.

“Then what went wrong?” I sit up, frustrated. “What the hell did I miss? Piper told me there was some chatter at the wedding, but I don’t think that would give Cami cold feet. And even if she had doubts, wouldn’t she talk to me?” I think back to our last night together. She was definitely upset.

God, I wish I pressed her to talk in the moment. Why did I put it off to the next day? The next day, she was gone, and I was fucking alone.

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