Page 68 of Lock 'em Down

“I did some lines of coke first. Then, I did everything he asked. I don’t even remember passing out. But when I woke up, the hotel room was in a frenzy. His bandmates, personnel, security… It was a nightmare. Levi was put on a plane and entered rehab. I called my sister who called my parents, and we flew back home. And then, it took my parents months—and a lot in legal bills—to acquire those photos so they wouldn’t leak and ruin my future.”

“Fuck, Cami,” I mutter.

She nods. “I know. I fucked up so badly.”

“No.” I shake my head. “You were a kid who made a bad call. But everything afterwards…it impacted you.”

“I forgot how to trust myself. Or lost faith in my ability to navigate things. I spent the next three years drawing inward and letting my mom manage things for me. Then, I realized how much I was missing out on, and I missed parts of the old me.”

“Vegas?”

“Embracing the moment,” she admits.

I nod. “You regret it?”

“No.” Her eyes are serious when they latch onto mine. “I don’t have regrets anymore, Leif,” she repeats the words to me. “And I will never regret anything with you.” She leans forward to take my hand. She runs her fingertips over my knuckles. “Does it hurt?”

I shake my head. “I kind of forgot about it.”

Cami snorts. “I can’t believe you hit him.”

“I can’t believe that’s all I did.”

She glances at me. “I’m sorry for ruining your night.”

“I didn’t care about the music festival as much as I cared about being with you, Cam. I’m glad you told me the truth. Even though it fucking sucked to hear it.”

Her eyes turn wary, and I shake my head to stop her thoughts before they spiral. “I want to know things about your past, Cam. I want to know you.”

“I just feel so ashamed,” she admits, her voice cracking. “So stupid and naïve. Then, seeing him tonight… There are so many things I wanted to say. There was never any closure, you know? One minute he was there, the next he was in rehab. And it’s like what transpired between us never happened. I went home from Spain and Mom became nearly unbearable with her hovering. She was worried I was into drugs. She constantly thought I was lying to her.” She smiles softly. “Thank God for Jenna. I can’t wait for you to meet her.”

“Same,” I murmur. I glance through the window behind Cami’s head, taking in the random Knoxville backdrop. Yeah, it’s a big city but my life here is a simple slice. I may be a hockey player but that’s nothing compared to a rock god. There isn’t limitless champagne and tours across Europe. What if this isn’t enough for her?

What if I’m not enough for her?

When I look at Cami, she’s lost in her thoughts again. Her makeup is slightly smeared from her tears, and she looks every bit the scared, naïve, broken-hearted girl I can picture at nineteen.

Never before have I been so fearful of rejection. But I hate wondering if Cami is comparing me to Levi Rousell. I can’t fucking stand the thought of not living up to her expectations or the future she envisions.

She never wanted to stay married. I did.

Does she still? Even now, after seeing her first love?

She gave him her damn virginity.

And never got closure.

We sit in silence for a long moment with only the sounds of our breathing. Her phone beeps and when she looks at the screen, she grins.

Is it him? Did he get her number from Sam or Tarek? Is he reaching out?

“Tarek says he and Sam are calling it an early night. He wanted to check that we’re good,” Cami explains, tapping out a reply.

I don’t say anything. I can’t.

Because for the first time in my life I’m confused with jealousy, with a possessiveness, I’ve never felt before. And I hate that too. There are too many complicated feelings—most of them negative—that go against my nature.

“Are you hungry?” Cami asks.

---