Page 38 of Lock 'em Down

“I know, I know.” I gesture with my hand to keep her calm.

She swats it away and then grabs it, linking our fingers together. “Marriage is a real commitment, Leif. I know you like to take things in stride, but this isn’t like almost getting expelled from university or pranking the juniors hockey team or?—”

“I know, Mom,” I cut her off because I understand the point she is trying to make. “Things obviously escalated but I’m not treating Cami like a joke gone awry. I want to…I want to make things work with her.” I work a swallow. “One day, I want what you and Dad have. Well, I don’t want to be as serious as Dad.”

Mom snorts but nods for me to continue.

“But I want that type of connection. One where you can have an entire conversation without saying a word. I want that level of trust, that admiration, the love that you and Dad share. I know a lot of people would say this is the wrong way to go about it but…is it? There’s something about Cami I like.”

“It’s hardly conventional,” Mom murmurs. “But then again, you never were one for the traditional.”

I shrug. She squeezes my hand.

“Her mom…” Mom pauses, sorting out her thoughts. “Cheryl wants the traditional, the proper order of things for Cami.”

“I caught that,” I say. “I’m kind of surprised you and Cheryl are friends.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know.” I shake my head. “Diane was so full of life. She was always laughing and joking and up for an adventure—well, she was a lot like you,” I explain, referring to Mom’s best friend who passed away. When she died, Mom lost a bit of her sparkle and I think her tour of her children’s lives has been an attempt to reclaim some of it back. “Cheryl, she doesn’t seem to have that same…spunk. Zest for adventure and excitement. Cami has it but I don’t think she inherited it from Cheryl. Cheryl seems more serious and wanting Cami to settle down more than wanting her to find the right fit.”

“Good thing you think you’re the right fit,” Mom mutters. Then, she sighs. “Cheryl was…different years ago. I don’t know all the ins and outs but with each of her children’s arrivals into the world, the more serious, the more guarded, she became. I do know that something transpired while Cami was in college that changed Cheryl. Made her less willing to throw caution to the wind, so to speak. She wants her kids to follow a certain path, a more traditional trajectory.”

“Something transpired that involved Cami?” I ask, glancing at Mom.

Mom rolls her lips together and my concern kicks up. How fucked up is it that Mom knows more about my wife than I do?

“Mom,” I press for information.

Mom sighs. “I think so, Leif. But I don’t know exactly what. Now that you’re married, I’m sure you can glean the ins and outs on your own. In time.”

“I hope so,” I say, already knowing it won’t be easy. Cami is spontaneous and fun to be with, but it seems like she holds her personal thoughts close to her chest. Kind of like me.

Mom nods. “Camille is going to hear an earful from Cheryl tonight. Cheryl is going to launch into wedding planning and dress shopping. She’s going to want Cami to start a registry and probably even mention having children. I didn’t want to add any more opinions to the conversation by voicing my worries.”

“It’s very unlike you to hold back.”

Mom chuckles. “I know, but Cami seemed overwhelmed.”

“She was,” I agree. “What are they? Your worries?”

Mom stops walking as we near my house. She drops my hand and turns to look at me. “I love you, Leif. I’ve always enjoyed your sense of adventure, your humor, your way of looking at the world. But this, marriage, is bigger than just you. It involves Camille and her life and her family. Of course, I will support you. And yes, it makes it easier to process because I know Cheryl. But this isn’t one of those things that’s going to be easy just because you’ve decided to master it. This involves another soul—someone else’s personality and dreams and desires—and you have no control over that.”

I suck in an inhale as Mom levels me with a look and a heaping of wisdom.

“It’s a balancing act. A give and take. A compromise. Across the board. And it always changes,” Mom advises. “If you’re serious about Cami—and let’s be honest here, you’ve never had a serious girlfriend—it’s going to require you to grow in ways you’ve yet to tap into. If you want to keep her, make this marriage work, you’re going to have to tap into that emotional intelligence fast. I want the best for you. I want to see you happy. But I also don’t want you to try to make a marriage work because not doing so would mean divorce.”

I flinch at the word and Mom catches it.

She offers a soft smile. “I don’t agree with Cheryl’s outlook on divorce. It’s not a failure. Or a judgment. A lot of people work super hard at marriages that don’t last because they’re not the right fit. Not because they’ve failed or let themselves down.”

“Maybe I’m more traditional than you thought,” I toss out because I don’t want to dig too deeply into Mom’s words. Not after the events that transpired today.

Mom shakes her head. “You’re stubborn.” She pats my cheek. “If you want to talk about anything, I’m here.” Her grin widens. “And I’ll be here for the foreseeable future so at least if you need advice on wooing a woman, you got one ready to weigh in.” She gives me a little wave and ends our conversation by turning to walk up my driveway.

“I don’t need help wooing a woman!”

Mom’s laughter floats behind her.

---