Page 44 of The Very First Night

I navigate through a cluster of partygoers, desperate for a moment of reprieve by the pool. But even outside is bustling with people, their laughter and chatter carried on the ocean breeze, so I stay inside.

Despite the lively atmosphere, I can’t seem to shake the uneasiness in my gut. Just as I begin to feel overwhelmed, Tanner materializes at my side, offering me a plastic red cup filled with a deep red drink. Gratefully, I take a sip, feeling the coolness of the liquid soothing my nerves.

“You are a godsend,” I say before taking another healthy sip of red wine.

He grabs his chest in mock shock as if I’ve shot him, then grins. “You looked like you could use a drink.”

“Well, you were right,” I reply, gulping down the rest of the drink in three large swallows. Tanner stares at me. “What?”

His gaze is intense as he studies me, and I feel a little self-conscious under his scrutiny. “Is everything all right?” he asks with concern in his voice.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just seemed off since we left Ohio.”

“I’m fine.” Which I guess is true. Or it should be. I can’t name a reason for the weight in my chest—I should be elated to be on spring break—so when his eyes meet mine, I just shrug. “No, I’m not. But it’s just a funk. I’ll be okay.”

He seems to take this at face value, or at least he doesn’t pry. “Well, if there is anything I can do to help…let me know.”

“I will.” I force a smile as he looks down at me.

Tanner grabs my cup from my hand and backs into the crowd. “I shall return.”

Just as Tanner disappears, Elijah appears with two Coors Lights in his grasp. He holds one out to me and I can’t find the words to remind him that I don’t really like beer. I’ll drink it if it’s the only option at a party, but when met with options, I’d pretty much never choose it.

“Thanks,” I say, grabbing it and pulling the tab on the cold aluminum can. It hisses and I take a swig, wincing at the sharp, bitter taste. Despite not enjoying it, I gulp it down as I know it will eventually have the same effect as wine.

“Are you having fun?” he asks over the music.

I force a tight-lipped smile, a facade I’ve become far too good at erecting. My heart races with anxiety as I watch a girl accidentally knock over a cup on the side table, causing its contents to spill onto the carpet. The liquid spreads, seeping into the fibers and leaving a dark patch behind. My body tenses at the knowledge that it will most certainly leave a stain.

“Shit,” Elijah says. He hands me his beer before disappearing, presumably to find cleaning supplies.

Scanning the crowd, I struggle to find anyone I know, let alone Elijah. I’m not really sure where he ran off to. The feeling from earlier starts to creep back in, the wash of dread that fills my stomach and leaves me with nothing else to do except raise my beer to my lips.

I take a big gulp of the amber liquid, trying to hide my grimace as the bitter taste coats my tongue. My throat clenches in protest, but I force myself to swallow it down. How people actually enjoy beer is beyond me.

It isn’t until I am swallowing the last bit of foam at the bottom of the can that Tanner appears in front of me with a perplexed expression on his face, holding the cup filled with wine he’d gone to fetch.

“What?” I ask as a rogue burp creeps past my lips—an effect of the hoppy nastiness—leaving my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

“Why are you drinking beer?”

“Because it’s a party and I want to be drunk.”

He continues to stare at me.

“What?!” I huff, irritation creeping into my voice.

“You hate beer.” He says it so matter-of-factly, like I somehow forgot that fact.

“I know.”

“So, why are you drinking it?” he asks. There’s no judgment in his voice; only pure, honest confusion.

“Elijah got it for me and I was thirsty,” I say as I stand straighter. I know he isn’t judging me, but I can’t fight the urge to defend myself anyway. As if there is something to defend—which there isn’t. Elijah is human; it’s not his responsibility to know everything about me.

Noticing the shift in my tone, Tanner steps toward me. As he invades my space, the scent of beer and cologne overwhelms my senses. It should smell gross, but the way it mingles with what I assume to be just him smells…nice.

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