Page 20 of The Very First Night

I take three large gulps of my own before setting it on the corner of my desk.

“Do you have any big plans today?” I ask, awkwardly shuffling my feet.

“Nah.” He doesn’t elaborate, but I try not to be difficult.

Silence descends as I try to think of what to say, seeming to stretch on forever.

Elijah either thinks of something to say or finally realizes the silence is uncomfortable, and finally asks, “Do you?”

“Not really,” I laugh. “I doubt I will see Jenna until later tonight. I’m sure her and Marcus are going to do something.”

“Yeah, what’s going on there?”

I pause for a moment before speaking with a laugh. “I actually don’t know—they just met. But I don’t know, I could see it being something.”

“You get all of that from a couple of days of them fucking?” he laughs.

I roll my eyes. “Well, no, but it could be. I mean, anything could be. Statistically, a lot of people find their person in college.”

“True, but a lot of people also get chlamydia in college. Doesn’t mean we assume everybody has chlamydia.”

I know why he is saying this—at least, I think I do. I wish I didn’t, but what would be the point of going back in time if he was suddenly a different person?

The good with the bad.

The pessimist—but the one I’m supposed to end up with.

Anything different would be me trying to change him, and I don’t want to do that.

“So…would you like to?” I ask nervously.

“Like to what?”

“Would you like to do something later? I mean, since we’re both free.”

Why am I so nervous? I’m just asking someone to hang out, not proposing marriage.

Silence befalls us again and I think for a split second that he very well might turn me down. My stomach knots, causing me to reach for my water and gulping down half the bottle without hesitation.

“What did you have in mind?” he asks.

I wipe the moisture off my lips, a bit flustered. “Oh, uh…” I swallow. “We could go do something or we could just hang out…I’m cool with whatever.”

“Do you want to come over to the house?” he asks nonchalantly.

I struggle to maintain a calm facade, but my insides are in turmoil. I don’t want to seem too eager, but I can feel my voice betraying me with exaggerated enthusiasm as I reply, “Sounds good!”

I desperately want him to like me and I’m terrified that my efforts will backfire because I’m trying too hard.

The corner of his mouth lifts into a smirk as he nods, but my stomach sinks as he stands and begins to pull on his pants.

“I’ll text you later, okay?”

I nod, knowing that if I open my mouth, I’m going to make an absolute idiot out of myself.

He kisses the top of my head far more casually than I feel right now before disappearing out my bedroom door.

Despite everything going exactly perfectly, I can’t help but wonder if I am still going to find a way to fuck it up.

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