Page 117 of The Very First Night

I raise an eyebrow playfully. “What about swimming with eels?”

He rolls his eyes but nods again. “I would swim with eels for you.”

Before I can think of another silly question, Tanner lifts me off the counter and carries me toward the shower. “That’s enough interrogation,” he says, stepping under the warm water with me still in his arms.

FIFTY-EIGHT

KAT

As I step through the glass doors of the MAC center, familiar sights and sounds surround me. The basketball court is packed to capacity, the stage is set up for graduation, and a banner hangs, proclaiming “Congratulations Kent State Graduates!” But today, everything feels different.

I’m dressed in my oversized blue graduation gown. Even Regina, our resident fashion design student known for her impeccable style, looks out of place in the standard polyester robe, yet we all wear it with pride as we embark on this rite of passage together—becoming Kent State University graduates.

Two years ago, I was driven by one thing and one thing only: making things work with Elijah. It didn’t matter if my grades suffered, if I disregarded my friends, if I disregarded myself in the process; it was all to make it work with Elijah.

Looking out at the sea of excited faces, I can’t believe how foolish I was to have ever thought this moment wasn’t as important as a guy.

Amidst all the cheers and applause, my eyes land on my mom. It’s a bit shocking that I’m able to spot her in this chaotic crowd, but there she is with her long brown hair pulled up into a neat bun atop her head. Sitting by her side is someone I never thought I’d see her with: my brother Patrick. Despite all the reasons she could resent him, she has formed a genuine connection with him and never once expressed any ill will. It takes immense strength for her to forgive him for being the product of our father’s infidelity, but it only solidifies my belief that my mom possesses superhuman levels of grace.

My attention is soon drawn to Tanner’s family. A group of four, they are easy to spot—his beaming mother stands by her husband’s side, Larry playfully smacking Theo’s head for some shenanigans during the ceremony. Their pride and joy light up the room as they wait for Tanner to walk across the stage to receive his degree.

Suddenly, Marcus approaches the microphone, ready to give his salutatorian speech. I had no idea he had officially achieved this honor until now. Most of our spring semester was spent listening to him go on and on about some girl in the business college who was only .001% ahead of him for the honored title.

“Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed faculty, proud parents, and my fellow graduates,” Marcus begins, his hands visibly shaking as he holds his notes between his fingers. “As we stand on the cusp of this momentous occasion, I can’t help but reflect on the journey that has led us here. Our time in college has been marked by countless trials and tribulations, moments of doubt, and challenges that seemed insurmountable. Yet, through it all, we persevered.”

Despite his clear anxiety, Marcus is a natural-born public speaker, his words eloquent and poised as he addresses the room filled to the brim. He continues, “But amidst the chaos and uncertainty, there has been one constant source of support and strength: our friends. The bonds we’ve formed during our time in college have been a guiding light, illuminating our path and giving us the courage to press on, even when the road seemed darkest. Together, we’ve laughed in the face of adversity, shared in each other’s triumphs, and lifted each other up when we stumbled and fell. We’ve formed friendships that will last a lifetime, bonds that transcend the boundaries of time and distance.”

Tanner swivels around in the squeaky plastic chair, his graduation cap slightly askew. Jenna, a few rows behind him, turns around in her seat as well and twists her long blonde curls nervously. The weight of Marcus’s words hangs in the air between us.

The crowded gym buzzes with excitement and anticipation for the ceremony to begin. As Marcus’s speech comes to an end, there is a collective sigh from the graduates. But as we stand to sing the alma mater one last time, a sense of unease settles over us, unsure of what the future holds after leaving these halls that have been our home for four years.

The room echoes with the names of my classmates as I fidget in my seat, trying to maintain composure. Jenna and Tanner have already collected their degrees and sit among the other students, but I remain, waiting patiently for my turn. The anticipation is almost unbearable as I mentally rehearse walking up those steps and accepting my college degree from the dean.

Finally, “Katarina Marritt” rings out through the crowd and I take a deep breath. With as much grace as I can muster, I make my way toward the stage, feeling grateful and relieved as I receive my well-earned degree.

After the ceremony, I step out of the crowded gym.

My mom’s eyes shine with tears as she envelops me in a tight embrace, nearly crushing my newly minted degree between us. She whispers, “I’m so proud of you!”

Despite my exhaustion and excitement from just graduating college, I can’t help but smile at the joy on her face. For as long as I can remember, she has talked about how important it is for me to earn a degree because she never had the opportunity herself. And now, in this moment, I can feel happiness radiating off of her as she finally gets to experience that dream through me.

“Congratulations, Kat,” Patrick says with a small smile. He stands with his hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans, shifting from one foot to the other in a gesture that reveals his slight discomfort.

We’ve been navigating things, trying to figure out what our relationship means now that we’ve distanced ourselves from our father. For me it was simple—he didn’t want me around anyway—but I know it’s been hard on Patrick to make the decision to cut his toxicity out of his life.

“Kat!” Jenna screams, her long blonde hair bouncing wildly as she runs toward me, her graduation cap clutched tightly under her arm. She reaches me and squeezes me in a bear hug, nearly crushing my ribs. “Can you believe it? We did it!” she exclaims, jumping up and down with such force that I am lifted off the ground.

Amidst the chaos, I feel a pair of strong arms wrap around me from behind. Tanner’s breath tickles my ear as he mocks Jenna. “Can you believe it? We did it.”

I laugh and lean back into his embrace, turning my head to the side to meet his gaze. “Where are your parents?”

“They’re over there with Brendan’s parents. They’ll be over in a sec.”

Gazing around the bustling room, my stomach drops as my eyes lock onto two familiar figures—Elijah’s parents. His father works the crowd like a seasoned politician, shaking hands and kissing babies, while his mother stands close by with a forced smile plastered on her face. My stomach churns at the sight of them, memories of past encounters flooding my mind.

Elijah beams with pride as he approaches his parents, clutching his newly earned college degree tightly in his hand. He eagerly holds it out to his father, anticipating praise and recognition, but is met with a dismissive request to give it to his mother without even a glance. The disappointment on Elijah’s face is tangible, evoking sympathy within me. It is evident that he has spent his entire life striving for the validation and affection of a man who will never truly value him. From a distance, I can’t help but feel empathy for the man I once loved and imagine how lonely and disheartening it must be to constantly seek approval from someone who will never care.

I used to spend every waking moment trying to win the love of someone who constantly made me feel small and insignificant. But now, as I lean into the strong embrace of a man who truly loves me, surrounded by our closest friends and family, I am filled with nothing but love and contentment. Going back in time to fix things with Elijah is nothing but a distant memory, replaced by new ones full of happiness, warmth, and genuine love.

---