Page 193 of Wanted Beta

He shakes his head. “You’re strong. Stronger than I am. I knew you’d be okay.”

“Well, I’m not okay,” I tell him, my voice shaking. “I haven’t been okay since we broke up. You don’t know how much it messed me up thinking you spent all those months lying about being in love out of some weird desire to torture me.”

He sighs. “I thought I had to push hard to make you walk away, but I know now that wasn’t my only option. I wish I’d figured it out sooner, but my mother …”

“You know what she’s like, and you were only trying to protect me from her.”

“Pretty much.”

“So, what’s changed?” I ask, raising an eyebrow at him.

“I have. I broke away from my parents and joined Cressidan City Police Department. I haven’t spoken to them in months. I’ll never speak to them again if I can help it. They don’t get to dictate my life for me.”

“I really wish you’d worked that out sooner,” I admit.

He smiles. “Believe me, I wish I had, too.”

“Come in. You must be freezing out there.”

I pull the window open wider and he climbs into the room, dusting off his jeans once he’s inside.

Neither of us seem to know what to say to each other, now that we’re standing here like this.

Well, hello, awkward energy, where have you been hiding?

I look him over and I can tell he hasn’t been sleeping well. His eyes are tired, he’s got stubble, and his posture is slouched. He doesn’t carry himself like the most popular guy in school anymore, I guess because he’s not.

Despite the rough edges, my ex-boyfriend is still as gorgeous as ever, with those pretty sapphire eyes with the silvery flecks that make them seem to sparkle. His dirty blond hair has gotten a little longer, just enough that he’s starting to look like he needs a haircut.

He’s hot enough to pull off the dishevelled look, for sure, but he doesn’t need to know that.

Right now, I can’t think of anything more to say to him.

I can understand why he did what he did now, but that doesn’t make everything okay.

“How much do you hate me?” he asks.

“I don’t hate you. I’m so fucking mad at you, but I’ve never hated you.”

He blinks slowly. “I was sure …”

“I love you,” I murmur, kind of annoyed that it comes out so easily. “That’s why it hurt so fucking badly when you said all those shitty things to me out of the blue. It broke my heart.”

He stands there staring back at me, looking completely stunned.

I let out a soft sigh. “Are you going to tell me you love me back, or have you turned into an asshole since we broke up?”

“I love you, of course I do,” he blurts. “I never stopped.”

“Well, that’s something.” It feels good to hear it, but it’s going to take time to really believe it.

“Breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of my life. I wish I’d told you what was going on.”

“Well, why didn’t you? You told me how your mom was. I would have understood.”

“I was worried that you might give up on the idea of college to be with me. I wanted us to stay together but I knew if we did my mother would find other ways to try and split us apart.”

I nod. It makes sense. It doesn’t heal the hurt, not completely, but it helps.

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