Page 25 of Cedarwood Cabin

I bow my head and put my hands together as if I’m praying. “Why…Why me, God? First, my mother and now my father. What have I done to deserve this?”

I stay hunched over the table, feeling the cold reality of my loss.

I am all alone and dead inside.

The funeral song The Living Years by Mike + the Mechanics keeps repeating in my head. I sit on the couch in my black dress, drenched from the rain during the service. The fabric of the dress clings to my skin. Marty stands by the window, looking out at the rain as he loosens his tie. He hasn't said much since we got back. He glances back at me occasionally, as if trying to find the right words to say. Nancy sorts through paperwork in the kitchen for me.

I stare at nothing as I sit there. My father's voice is now silent forever. The image of his coffin being lowered into the ground refuses to leave me.

Feeling numb and lonely as the rain continues to beat against the window, I close my eyes, wanting everything to go away. However, the song, coffin, and rain remain in my head.

Nancy enters the room and she sits next to me, placing her hands on mine.

“You’re cold and wet. Let's get you out of these clothes,” she says softly.

She leads me upstairs, taking my hand. We enter my bedroom and I sit on the edge of my bed.

Walking to my closet, she picks out some loungewear and places it next to me.

“I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll give you a moment.” She exits the room and shuts the door behind her.

I take off the wet dress, my body feeling weak and drained as I pull on the T-shirt and leggings.

Suddenly, I hear the rumble of motorcycles outside as I peer out the window. Outside, I see Dax and Lyka. They are both dressed in black with Dax holding a card in his hand.

Marty rushes out of the house towards them, angrily. He and Dax are face to face, his hands moving in a heated manner. I want to go out there and intervene, but I feel too weak and drained to do anything.

I can see Dax clench his fist, but Lyka steps in and places a hand on his shoulder. Marty grabs the card from Dax’s hand and throws it into the mud. Lyka pulls back Dax and they get on their motorcycles, speeding off.

I walk over to my bed and sink into it. Nancy returns and sits beside me, her hand resting on my back. “Your aunt texted, she sends her love. It’s a shame she couldn’t fly over.”

“Hmm,” I respond.

“Are you going to take her offer and move back to London?”

“I don’t know…”

The thought of moving to London felt overwhelming. I own this house now, my father had a life insurance policy that pays me a substantial amount. I would rather be poor and have my mother and father here than rich and lonely.

“I don’t know what to do,” I admit.

“It’s a big decision. You don’t have to make it right now. No one expects you to have all the answers today. Let yourself grieve.” Nancy pats my back one last time and then stands up. “I’m going to leave you in peace. If you need me, call me. Day or night,” she says softly. She walks over to the door and pauses to look back at me.

“Thank you, Nancy.” I give her a small smile of gratitude.

I hear her footsteps descending the stairs and then the sound of the front door closing. I scream out and cry, my sobs echoing in the empty room. The pain is unbearable. I feel completely alone.

I hear my door creak open and I jolt up, feeling startled. I see Marty standing at my bedroom door.

“I forgot you were here,” I mumble, wiping away my tears. I feel embarrassed and vulnerable.

“Come here,” he says, walking over to my bed.

I don't know why, but I shift toward him and reach out. He pulls me close into his chest and I bury my head in his shirt.

“It's okay, I’m here. Let it out.” His fingers brush away my tears as I sob. He lowers his head and somehow, his lips meet mine.

No! What is he doing?! I can’t!

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